My BF best Friend a She

Bababe 83 SG

Thats the problem with woman.

My 3 closest friend are ladies, thats why my gf of quite a long time broke up with me. She knew they are my really close friends meet up weekly go for dinners have fun etc etc. Ask gf along dont want to go, then kpkb.

wow ur ex-gf have to deal with 3 close female friend i guess is harder on her, so did u manage to have another gf who can accept ur 3 closest friends?

Bababe 83 SG

If u cannot accept what is, that is his ways of relating to you and others around u - the so-called ''problem'' is IN you. He is an excuse.

Find out what is ''insecure'' in u and if there are needs, anxieties, anguish - accept, reconcile and understand and the transcendence will transform u.

Many purport to love but in reality it is not love at all but needs in many forms masquerading as love.

Self-honesty is the way to go.

Fugazzi I guess u speak fr the men point of view.... Not many woman can accept their love one with another bestie SHE. It take more then just understanding, a big heart maybe to accept it

Like wise, when woman with a bestie HE, man have problem with that too. this prob is will be there for a long long decade =)

I will accept my BF besties SHE but like what FireIce post earier

(no matter how magnanimous u are or how much u say u trust him, it is still like a splinter in your finger)

Thanks for everyone's comments and i manage to see it in a very different point of view good and bad =) some how already know how to deal with it

Phantomnite SG

I think you should really hang out with your bf She friend and see how she is like. But I think he have already crossed the line by asking your available timing, then book his friend out. And every week seems a little frequent.

For me, I would book my friends 2 weeks later from anytime of the day, and inform my gf first. Then maybe meet twice a month. Gf and friends very different, must draw line and treat differently, if not what for be in a r/s.

Arapahoe SG

Male perspective and female perspective are different on this issue. That got to do with our neuro make up on Sex and love.

To: TS

If you want to continue pursue the relationship......or get to know more about your chances in this relationship.

perhaps you want to be his best friend's Friend. And get some Girl Time together outside your boyfriend space.

Does this make sense at all?

Bababe 83 SG

Male perspective and female perspective are different on this issue. That got to do with our neuro make up on Sex and love.

To: TS

If you want to continue pursue the relationship......or get to know more about your chances in this relationship.

perhaps you want to be his best friend's Friend. And get some Girl Time together outside your boyfriend space.

Does this make sense at all?

Well, is hard to try to be someone's best frien and hang out, it very much depend if i can click with her or do we have a common interest to be such a close friend hanging out. she a heavy smoker and i really dont like hanging out with smoker .... i guess it does some how make sense, but trying too hard to be someone friend somehow not sincere

mancha SG

She's a heavy smoker, well that a revelation.

I get the feeling that he is in love with She, but She is not the commitment type.

He is not making any headway in that relationship, and so settle for a best friend relationship.

Find your place in his scheme to things.

Arapahoe SG

She's a heavy smoker, well that a revelation.

I get the feeling that he is in love with She, but She is not the commitment type.

He is not making any headway in that relationship, and so settle for a best friend relationship.

Find your place in his scheme to things.

Well can't judge a person by a cigarette stick. And this is not about the best friend. This is about TS and the boy friend.

Arapahoe SG

You know relationship needs working. if you want to pursue this relationship it needs some work and it doesn't get any easier after married either.

how about do a self evaluation excerise ....be honest take some quiet time alone.

list down the things you and your boy friend do together. what topics do you talk about when u are with him.

List down the topics they talk about or how he talks about his best friends and what do they do together.

List down the topics that your boyfriends talk to "other friends" that he has. And how he response to them.

See what "space" you are being left out and see if you can draw those conversation in your relationship with him and drawn his focus onto the "relationship" (i didn't say to draw the focus onto "you" )

When i said dig deeper why you want to be with him.......

Trying to distil if he is having dual relationship and not knowing it. He might be having an Emotional Relationship with his friend. and a physical relationship with you.

In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".

You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.

Bababe 83 SG

it. He might be having an Emotional Relationship with his friend. and a physical relationship with you.

In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".

You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.

Arapahoe: In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".

BB: I guess we can't chance the fact that they are child hood friend. and having emotional affair with her is inevitable, every time when we quarrel or cold war, he will turn to her. and i know this is inevitable too.

You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.

BB: My favour part of your comments, All i ask for is in the future part of our life, they will learn to let go. and i believe they will once his bestie got attach and settle down.

Arapahoe SG

Arapahoe: In modern days sometime it happen at work because of long working hour we called it "Work spouse" or "Emotional Affair".

You just have to project 10 yrs into the future if you are having kids and he still go out and talk to this friend.....dah...is that what you want.

BB: My favour part of your comments, All i ask for is in the future part of our life, they will learn to let go. and i believe they will once his bestie got attach and settle down.

BB,

In life especially in Singapore, we internalized alot of wrong messages about how we should treat our relationship.

I will do this extremely short -- Don't sell yourself Short. Remember this Thread is about YOU. Not him or her

Just because you have intimate (physical) relationship doesn't mean that you cannot move on with another person who would put you first in "Focus" You have the same capacity to growth from this relationship and love another person.

It is right that you cannot changed the relationship between your boyfriend and his childhood. But obversely your boy friends has not learned to grow out of his childhood friend.....

Do you see what i am saying? when you quarrel He runs to her....and not turn around and solve problems between the 2 of you??? Where is the relationship? You have a one sided affair with him.

If you truly want this relationship to work out i suggest you either bridge the gap between you and his best friend or talk to a mediator.

I can tell you one thing physical and sex can only stretch so much......thereafter its about emotional support.

Arapahoe SG

BB: My favour part of your comments, All i ask for is in the future part of our life, they will learn to let go. and i believe they will once his bestie got attach and settle down.

TS,

You can ask all the female forumners a show of hands to see if their husband had changed since married.

I probably can tell you that the most change is their "Belly" So before you make unnecessary assumption.....I suggest you dig deeper why are you in this relationship.

Not to give any more excuse about him or her.

[email protected] SG

I'm trying to accept his Best Friend She. but then sometime is really hard to battle it gracefully just wondering how many woman out there can accept his BF or Husband have a SHE best friend

Peng ..... Faintzzz

I have best friend too who's there for me all the time but we dont meet everyweek.

I don't mind opposite sex as best friend but the above senario a little hard to accept

What your view can you woman accept it gracefully

your boyfriend's behavior is beyond friendship. anyone is able to tell just from the way you describe their level and frequency of interaction.

there is 99.99% chance that your boyfriend likes her

consider the points below

1. maybe she is not interested in him otherwise they would be together

2. they might have been a couple before

2. your boyfriend dare not or has not confess to her before

3. since she is single and there are no guys she is interested in at the moment, so she is using your boyfriend for entertainment purposes. if he can treat her so well, why not just make use of him? anyway, its your boyfriend throwing himself at her.

4. in your boyfriend's heart, she is still number one. since he cannot get her, he doesn't mind being her 'friend' at least he still get to interact with her. in his heart, you are number two, not number one.

what your boyfriend is doing is inappropriate, no girl in their right mind would be able to accept. its very natural and right for you to feel weird because he is doing something wrong so openly but just using the excuse/disguise of friendship

due to your love for your boyfriend, its very hard for you to accept the reality that he is actually openly cheating on you behind the disguise of friendship. you are even going to the extent of helping him find reasons to make it acceptable to do so.

you deserve someone better. someone who treats you as no. 1 in his heart, not no. 2.

are you shortchanging yourself? stop lying to yourself and living in denial.

mancha SG

Well can't judge a person by a cigarette stick. And this is not about the best friend. This is about TS and the boy friend.

I am not judging She, just making sense of the TS predicament.

My 2cents worth put in a nut shell what SgLoveCop posted above.

Fire Cracker SG

BREAK-OFF lo.

THEY SEEMS to be a BETTER COUPLE then u to him.

and no one in a right mind will allow his gf / her bf to behave like that.

If my gf have a good friend who is a guy and they went dinner every week. that will really piss me off. Your bf is how old? u how old? u see that Best friend of his before? he got introduced?

3-some is not an option...

Arapahoe SG

Well....I am sure TS will take sometime to figure things out and decide what is Good for her.

Sometime it is a maturing process.

babypinkstar SG

BB, I hope I can provide some light from a perspective of the 'SHE' (though I'm very sure I'm not the SHE).

I'm a girl (duh) and has been best friends with this guy for 8 years since secondary. Let's call this guy, Z.

Z and I are very close. When we hang out, he sometimes would put his arm around me and sometimes I would rest my head on his shoulder. He calls me 'Dear' occasionally too. And he has a girlfriend of 2++ or 3 years.

But, I don't think his gf was ever jealous because
1. When Z and I hang out, it was always a group.
2. I only hang out with T about twice a month.
3. She always couldn't make it along with Z and me.

Back to your story, I know our story has very different background. But I still wish that you give him some trust. I believe in pure platonic friendship. It exist. But at the same time, as what other people said, you should try to get to know SHE. It would help.

Let's say he doesn't want you two to meet, it would mean "There's something wrong!"
I mean, even if he says cares about you, scared you fight, scared you jealous, and yet don't bring you meet her, then whatever he said are excuses.

I sound naggy, but moral of the story:
Behave well, don't bicker with him about SHE. Wait a few months, then ask to meet SHE. If he brings you, all's well. Treat SHE nicely, be friends. If he doesn't, you have to ask him for the real reason (read: bicker and maybe breakup).

Rock^Star SG

You are alrdy in your mid 20s. Some lines must be drawn. What happens if your kid asks you, "Mama, why are you resting your head on another man's shoulders?"

Fcukpap SG

u r considered lucky that the "she" is not "shim"

binZ SG

Phantomnite SG

BB, I hope I can provide some light from a perspective of the 'SHE' (though I'm very sure I'm not the SHE).

I'm a girl (duh) and has been best friends with this guy for 8 years since secondary. Let's call this guy, Z.

Wow. Your friend's gf must be a very very generous person. But for him to put his arms around you and you to rest your head on his shoulder, don't you think that is quite out of a normal friendship behaviour between a female and a male?

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