Hallo.....
My condolences.....
I sympathize with your predicament...
However after reading your posts I am able to get several
veiwpoints which I want to share with you....
Hopefully that can help you a bit.....
In my opinion, you are now at a stage in life where you need
more personal space and independence for yourself.....and thusly,
the presence of your seemingly overbearing mother disturbs your
inner balance.....
Since you are already in your 30s, it seems that on one hand,
you want to be alone, independent, but on the other hand, your old
mother and her particular personality is hovering around, or
interfering with you......
I think this is the basic underlying fundamental
problem.....
Another issue is that, it seems you did not have a good
relations or a good bond with your mother......
First I want to give you some suggestions....
Regarding independence / interference thingy....
Well...I dont know what is the most suitable solution for
this....my recommendation is for you to move out on your own.....if
this is not practical, then make it practical.....for example you
can rent...
Another point I want to say.....you need to understand some
things and then come to inner peace....the way to inner peace is to
be more understanding of other people and situations....
For example, she has her own personality, quirks, habits, etc,
just like everybody else, and since you live in close contacts,
those quirks may be irritating to you, because your life
experiences and outlook is different from her.....
You are a product of your environment....your childhood and
growing up years are different than hers.......and thusly now you
have become someone who likes order and neatness (as you say), and
your personality may also be the opposite from hers in
general.....but you dont need to begrudge or hate her and her
personality.....
You need to accept and embrace the role of a mother, and accept
some things which you may find irritating, but actually can be not
irritating if you open up, and not close yourself.
The reason is all due to distance, and not accepting the role of
a mother.
Once you find inner peace, and open up yourself to welcome her,
and be more understanding to her, then her quirks will be
insignificant and trivial to you, it wont be so irritating anymore,
and things like being a "busybody" is also something which you will
see as "normal" or "natural" or "expected".
So you see here, the problem is that there is a mismatch,
You want to be left alone, want to be independent, and you close
yourself, keep a distance, and this problem is compounded with your
lifelong lack of bond with your mother.
I do think you need to move a bit to the center.....make some
movements.....it's not all your mother's fault....
You need to moderate yourself, inside your heart, deal with your
issues and your baggage.....
Now you are an adult, 30s year old, you should take some
control, at least supposedly you can control of yourself better,
with better EQ and maturity....
So thats my first suggestion to you, is to moderate yourself,
open yourself, and move to the center a bit....make a
movement....deal with your issues....take some time to think about
this....
Secondly, I wouldnt say it should all be your work and yours
only....I would say your environment probably contribute to this
situation.....so I think it's best that you move out.....and do
that....
If you move out, that will remove more than 50% of the basic
issues, because then you can be more independent, comfortable, and
be yourself, on your own.
However dont just take that solution on its own, you need to
solve the first problem too.
So move out, and then take some time to think about your issues,
come to inner peace, and remember to visit her often, and make a
reconciliation....
Ok good luck.
