Hmm....how long have you been taking medication?
May I ask what was the reason that you decided not to have any
children?
I believe a big reason for your unhappiness and the state of
your marriage, has to do with your personality.
Perhaps you should take AndrePKYap advice first, first you have
to recover yourself.
Go out with your friends, colleagues/ co-workers, or maybe you
just go out yourself, go to a beach alone, spend some time there
and think things through.
If you have time, you can go to Pasir Ris beach, it's very quiet
and peaceful here.....go here sometime and sit here....
You also need to start excercising....it will help to make you
healthier and happier...and improve your mind as well....
After that you should take your wife to a holiday, just the 2 of
you....if HK is too expensive, you can go to Bali or somewhere
near.
I do not recommend that you end your marriage.
Although I can see that she has her faults, such as
over-criticizing you, and make you feel small and lost feelings to
her, I can see that you yourself also have some faults.
I think you are too passive, too inambitious, too cowardly, too
quiet and too static. The reason why she went overboard in
overcriticizing you is due to you inviting her to do so. If you
show some vitality and dynamism, and show some charisma and
leadership, she will respect you and wont criticize you so much in
the first place.
I again do not recommend you to end your marriage.
To do so, your life will go in a downward spiral, you will feel
much worse than now. I do not think you can ever recover. Your
depression and your passivity will be much worse, you will lose all
interest in life and maybe spend a few years living a hazy life,
like a dream.
May I ask what is the reason that you refuse to have a baby with
her?
Maybe that is the way out, for you, and for her, to start to
build a new family, feel more vitality, get a child.
Seriously consider saving your marriage first before deciding to
end it.
Basically Im now talking to you for your own good, not for
her.
If you end your marriage, I dont think that will be the
answer.
You will solidify and cement your passivity and loneliness. Your
life is going to take a worse turn, not a better one.
Dont think that by ending the marriage, your suffering will go
away. It will just go onto a different mode.
So my suggestion for you is to improve yourself and recover
yourself first, then work on her, work on the relationship, and in
this way, if you manage to succeed, you will have a better
life.
Yes, I saw AndrePKYap and thinks he makes some sense. That I
should learn to make myself happy again first. And let her make
herself happy in her own way w/o me...but I don't think it works if
we're staying together under the same roof.
i agreed i m cowardly and quiet. i'm not too sure about the
inambitious and static part.
how do you define inambitious? i always wanted to live in a
condo..and have been working towards it. frankly, i've the
capability and have discussed with her a few times to move to a
condo near our current location. is this the ambition you're
referring? sorry, if i misunderstood.
also, i've took my degree part-time during our marriage and am
now taking a master. i'm planning to start my own online biz. is
this been static?
oh, btw, she never really support any of the things i do above
except that the degree, i started taking before marriage.
i admitted i too critize her in the past whenever she try to
make me feel small...but later, i found she won't stop and i felt
silly critizing her just for the sake of getting back at her. i
asked her to stop...but after a few months...she would start again.
i think it's her habit to make other feel small b'cos she is
insecure. it's the way she had been brought up. i noticed this when
she is with her family too. esp. her sis, mum and herself would
naturally critize their father on every little thing (i wonder how
her father stand it all these years)
okay, so why i don't want a baby? cos i think if she is so
insecure, she won't make a good mother and then, i've no feeling
for her anymore and i'm so unhappy and tired that i've no interest
in making a baby
looks like i'm not giving her any chance, isn't it?
if i found this forum maybe 3 yrs ago..perhaps the marriage can
be saved. now after being depressed and tired for so long..it'll
very hard to push myself to think anything good about her and this
marriage life.
now, everyday, i only think how i can survive another
day.....and maybe you're right. i've giving up the hope to be
ambition...i just given up my master deg b'cos i was too tired to
study...and i see no hope in my life ahead..so i m static.