if u are asking me if i am jus seeking a place to whine, to
complain, etc.
I am sorry, actually, I am at a loss myself also.
(girl, learn not to apologise for
needing help. We deserve to be helped. Know your worth girl. Love
yourself.)
I don't know wat to do, I am confused, I just want to rot my day
away. (It is normal to feel
confuse. More importantly, know what to do soon.)
At times, I realli felt like giving him a slap across the face, and
tell him to wake up (mayb I should be the one to wake up instead).
-- (You have done much much more
than you could. You do not need to scrutinize your list on what
have you not done or what went wrong that you might be able to
remedy. You are not a superwoman. You deserve love, fun and a
blame-free relationship.)
I am well-known among frenz to be strong; independent.
Mayb 5 yrs is a long bond, dats y it's hard to leave? --> I
dunno.
I know I cannot carry on like this, I dunno if I am doing the
right things.
But, from the initial start of putting him first in my life,
putting him before me, I have more or less let go over the years to
there are other ppl in my life who needs my care and concern plus
love as well. Be it frenz or family.
I never rely on him to solve my things, rely on him in watever
situations I am in. Cos, I know he can't help, neither will he.
-- (do you want such a useless
guy in your life when there are so many men out there still single
and lonely complaining of no good women for them to fawn over and
pamper? Accept love, reject rubbish.)
In a way, I have broken away from the old me where he's the only
person in my life and my life revolves ard him. My life now
consists of other people rather than only him. -- (I applaud you for redirecting your love
to those who deserve it)
Is this consider wanting out? Or consider not wanting out?
I was in my marriage for 7 years, before I woke up to realize
that I could not picture myself living this life with him
forever.
I understand the confusion part because just merely 2 years into
the marriage, even my colleagues have been hinting "should I get
divorce" when I told them some of my woes. At that point, the idea
of divorce hadn't even pop up in my mind yet.
But then it was seeded and I toyed with the idea in my mind, but
felt immediately guilty afterwards. How could I just want the easy
way out? Women are by nature not abandoners. So I decided to put in
more effort in my marriage, to help him out whenever I can.
But then again, life in a marriage, there will always be a lot
of issues beside just love. And when things are fine, we have had
happy times together. But when things are not, you start to see him
shrinking his responsibilities, deny his responsibilities and even
blame his responsibilities on guess who? YOU.
Yes, your mind is wanting out. Your sentimentality however,
clings stubbornly onto those happy memories that you both have had
and is feeling guilty. But hey girl, brush aside those happy times.
Traumatic as it seems, look clearly in the face at those times when
he ditched you, ignore you in your sorry plight. If you ignore all
that, I'm sure there will be more of such coming to add to your
traumatic "collection", and even then, I hope you will not be
cuddling all those happy memories of him and thinking of his
"potential" as you've seen of him in your initial good impression
of him, to sleep.
I feel so much for you. I know you need a good hug and cry.
Come, Let me give you a good virtual hug, strong woman. At times, I
know that actually, the stronger and more capable we women are, the
more we actually crave for someone out there to show that they
care. That we need not be as strong and tough the way we have been
so accustomed all along to deal with life. Let me give you a good
hug girl. The forumnites here are rooting for you.
Hugz.
