one-sided love

last SG · 2008-03-08T20:25:39+00:00

the reason why i wanna tell her that i loved her once,because there is a barrier between us now.let me explain the barrier:Before secondary 4, she always con...

^C ^ SG

Hi threadstarter,

Pple tends to be judgemental when comes to unconventional relationship that has a a history of condemnation, discrimination and fear. Theorectically, as long as your friend isn't married, anyone, including you has the right to pursue her and hopefully, give her happiness. It sure hasn't been an easy time for you to control your feeling and not receiving support and understanding from anyone.

I like Yun's analysis earlier on which touches on: the incident will give a deeper understanding of your depthless psyche- in terms of your love and needs. Well, no matter whatever internal or external scar we will be carrying, it will alway help us in the later part of our life. I just want to cautious you to be mentally prepared that this relationship might not work out in the end and it applies to all types of love. You can still do your best to pursue a relationship with her. Though i have no clue how to advise u on this.

You love her too much and it is giving you pain. Probably you think that you couldn't fall in love with anyone else, or she is your one true love. As far as experience has taught me, It is possible to fall in love with more than one persons in a lifetime.Anyway, love can't be compared.

j_dsowner SG

UnidentifiedX

play around with words.. i supposed we do that often to cover our acts. You two sounds sweet to call each other like that. as for me, i normally call her as my wife. She's supposed to call me as husband [ but that was when we were schooling ] now she never does that. only i do that lol. sounds quite pathetic but it has somehow became a habit for me to refer her as my wife.

and yeah. i tik flowers are like totally confessing already lol. as for communicating.. both of us can talk about everything except her love life. as i mentioned in my first post, yeah.. she doesn't talk to me about him and i don't ask her about him. and i'm sorta glad she doesn't. otherwise imagine me having to hear her outings with him, gosh i'll be like so emo. but then when she faces problems with him, she'll sorta let me know by saying she's veri sian and her personal msg on msn obviously becomes those messages that are damn depressed. and i will cheer her up by doing anything she wants. like playing agame. or staying until 4am to just stay online with her.

avoiding her is like blowing hot and cold to her right?.. i've tried that too! but i just cannot control the urge to talk to her. and she'll be unhappy with me for being cold to her. what a dilemma lol. and i don tik that was being naive of you to do so. i tik it's just our feelings that made us do all these rash actions i guess. and u are so lucky to have held hands with her T.T wish to say someting though. i mentioned that i went out with her ytd, it was the two of us only. den many many several times our hands hit into each other and nearly like held each other. i felt abit scared she might tik i'm doing it on purpose and stuffs like that. but it's because we are always walking too close to each other.

from the way u say, the girl u like seems veri young n childish [ in a good way, i'm very childish too lol ] seems kinda cute. does she ask u to stare at gay couples or stuffs like that? i tik the only way is to just wait n wait , although both of us have like waited for so long. how old are you and her? same age? thanks for hoping for me n my friend to be together although i seriously tik i have a chance of 0%. haha. i'll just be a person by her side anytime she wants me to be there. that's all i can hope for.

^C ^

although what u say makes some sense, i still don't feel that i own the right to pursue her... after much experiences.. i tik giving happiness to someone doesn't necessarily means i need to be her other half.. i can just be a best friend and give her happiness.. yeah i agree that maybe all this things i go thru.. it will somehow teach me more things in life. Maybe i might treasure my other half in the future even more?..

and i can't feel the same way with my other girls in the clique.. i just don't understand why. Some ppl posted earlier on that i might have mistaken this feeling as love or just besties love. i can get very confused at times.

UnidentifiedX SG

Exactly. We would talk about anything except her love life. During Sec 3, I already knew that she was together with a guy, but i ignored that fact cause deep down, i was extremely hurt. The worse thing was she was sitting beside me in class, and she kept sms-ing the whole day -_________-

There was once she suddenly kept talking to me abt the guy, and i got pretty upset that i told her off that i do not want to know anything abt the 2 of them. I regretted immediately. I did not want to know for fear of jealousy, but at the same time wanted to know whats going on. It was terrible. It can be said, the guy is just like a prick to me. So i really do understand how u feel regarding your friend's love life.

As for holding hand, both of us arent the touchy type, so it is a blessing that we can actually hold on to each other. Yea, everytime we went out, our hand would brush again each other. And there is just this urge to hold on to her hand. For me, I would pretend to see something very nice at a far end of a shopping centre and just grab her hand and drag her there. maybe u could try this trick too.

She doesnt mind lesbianism, she thinks its cool, but for gays, it a complete no-no for her. I'm 18 this yr, and she is 3 yrs older than me. Although the age differences, we just somehow click together and yea, she is more childish than me. lol. I think 10 yrs of waiting is quite long =s maybe when into the 20s where u got more to stand, u confess? That is my plan for now...

j_dsowner SG

u regretted telling her u din wanna know about the 2 of them? i still feel it better not to know though. otherwise it'll be so much more pain n suffering.

lol use that tactic? i forgot to mention that sometimes she does that to me, like she suddenly want me to go out of the shop she would grab my wrist and drag me. and there was one incident in school.. she held onto my wrist and dragged me from the second storey.. all the way to the canteen..and she was still holding onto me i don't know why she suddenly did that though. den apparently two friends of mine saw. and they were like saying , " i saw u and ur wife holding hands " i bet they suspect something anyway.

and it's kinda weird for her to accept lesbianism but not gays.. care to explain why?.. and lol we are of the same age tis year.. and wow she must be 21 years old. for me, my friend is the same age as me. and i'm the childish one and she's the mature one.

maybe childish n mature ppl click better lol! my plan to confess 10 years later is partially to double [ or maybe triple ] confirmed if i'm a les or a bi or whatever u can call me lol. i just hope to follow my feelings for now..

UnidentifiedX SG

Yea, sort of regret. She took my word and stop telling all stuff. It is better not to know, but i cant help but knowing so that i know he did not take advantage of "my girl" and i get to know their progress. It is like want to know yet dont want to know at the same time. In both ways, it hurts.

I'm surprise that your friends would address you as you and your wife. lol. they did that to me too. And im actually quite please. Not sure if they suspect anything or nt. But i think they know cause my msn dp is only the both of us.

As for her weirdo thinking against gays, she told me that she finds it disgusting between 2 man (srry, if this have offended anyone out there) and particularly the intercourse part. Whereas for girls, she said it was more gentle and "pleasing to her eye".

Well, I'm still clinging on to the sentence that "there is a streak of lesbianism in almost every girl". I dono how true it is, but i think this sentence will help me in my confession. I would like to ask, both of you are in different schs, how do you all find the time to meet or have any particular conversation to keep up with?

j_dsowner SG

oh i see. for me to make sure he doesn't bully my friend, i get information from my friends haha. and from her blog itself.

i tik because whenever i talk to my friends in the clique , i would like say " eh my wife wants to borrow that, u give me i lend her can? " like that lor. den they out of habit when they talk to me will also say " u know what! i saw ur wife today! " yeah lol. so i'm not surprised that they address us like that. haha yea i tik girls being initimate with each other is sorta okay. cos besties do that right. pity the guys right now.

because both of us are in poly.. sometimes i end school early, i might go over her hse to slack. most of the time i'm the one initiating the outings and planning it. because i'm known to be the organiser for the clique. so yeah i can meet her quite often.

we talk about her family and my family funny incidents.. and since we are of the same clique.. we talk about our friends in the clique.. like whatever's happening in their lives and such.. and we talk about school work.. and of course we talk about my idol jay chou quite alot too lol. and my games.. alot lah lol.

anw i've got to go out already. cont the chat tonight =)

Lorry` SG

what long replies you got there

oh yea, is ur injury gettin better? read that you fell

hmm.. im sorry to say this but, as you know shes st8 so.... what you can do is be her guardian angel then (note the diff between love and guardian angel ) altho i do hope that you two could be together.... but like i've said earlier, some people you can love, some people you just couldnt no matter what.................. because the more you love the person, the more you got in return..... but such thing i guess you could control em better in the near future as you grow older

ok letme quote you all somethin:

Sexuality is like fluid, whether you're gay or you're straight or you're bisexual, you just go with the flow.

is this familiar

j_dsowner SG

yeah i no longer feel the pain on my butt lol.. but aiyo.. i still feel traumatised by that incident.. never have i felt so disgraced and embarrassed in public before.

although i agree with u mentioned there about the guardian angel thing.. but do u tik she'll appreciate what i do for her at the end?.. i scared later.. i wil get angry with myself for wasting so much time on her lol.

and i don't understand that quote lol! no offence though. can't think of it.

j_dsowner SG

sigh im feeling confused again.

recently i'm sorta avoiding her , ya blowing hot n cold again.. i know it's wrong but i can't control it.

today whole day i only msg her in the afternoon, cos another friend of mine told me to tell her smth.. so i told her, den she replied me okay and added on some stuffs about her life but i din reply.

den next later in the night she msg me about something and i just msg her back " i know.. " den she replied back " ok ok.. "

hai. dono what i'm trying to do also. dono if she feels unhappy with me not. or she still lives on happily not talking to me. hai.

UnidentifiedX SG

Hey, don't think too much abt it. Sometimes, it is just us who are overly sensitive and imaginative that we make ourselves anxious.

Besides tt, I have actually been thinking abt it. The difference between us and other relationship i guess is just another addition of criteria. Which is whether the person is able to accept someone of the same sex or not. So I guess, besides this, we should be considered on par?

I guess the hot and cold just somehow comes occassionally cause we want something that we cant have or might be slightly more difficult for us to have. Hence, the fatigue in getting our aim accomplished which makes us give off the hot and cold stuff...

Be strong and know what u want alright!

Zarks SG

so have u told her bout your true feelings? to wait another 10 years to tell means another 10 years of torture, right?

I have one question, do u, TS and Unidentified tell frens that the one you like is your "wife". My ex used to tell ppl the gal is her wife. and yea she now a lesbian. That explained why she's avoiding me and treating me like a stranger when we were together.

No worries, i dont discriminate les or gays. Everyone have their own decision as long as it doesnt harm anyone else. Future is still long for both of TS and Unidentified, one day u will know what u really want. I read something bout gays or les, most of them admit themself of it. In fact, nothing to be ashamed of it. WE all still live and move on regardless of what we chose.

UnidentifiedX SG

Nope, I dont tell my friends that the one i like is my wife.

j_dsowner SG

UnidentifiedX

well there's a nice way of putting it.. but the difference is alot.. i don't tik same gender r/s will be accepted into society for long time.. quite sad though. dono why i fell in love with the one same gender.. the girl once told me, " u know what, if u were a guy i would have fallen in love for you long ago. " so saddening.

Zarks

i haven't told her.. i don't know.. i was tiking.. maybe 10 years later i would have changed n fall in love with a guy. den i would have more guts to tell her.. i won't mind telling the truth that i liked her in the past. but for now.. telling her... just seems wrong.

My friends know that i call her " my wife " but they do not know that i have feelings more than a best friend for her. This is because, in our clique, we form a family. like two girls be the Father and Mother, den i'm the son.. and i marry this girl whom i like.. and we have 5 other kids [ which are 5 other friends ] so example, one of my friend call me Papa. cos i'm the Papa of my friend . whereas i call the one who is my Mother in the clique as mama. so naturally i call the girl whom i like my wife cos in the family tree [ friendship ] she is my wife. hope u sorta get it now.

yea i tik ur ex , somehow became veri close to that gal. esp when she always call that gal wife. cos whenever i call my wife " my wife " , i always somehow feel more closed n attached. and a sense of responsibility as if i'm really her husband like that.

and the les issue.. my heart tells me to love her, but my mind tells me to be straight. life is so troublesome.

Zarks SG

UnidentifiedX

Zarks

and the les issue.. my heart tells me to love her, but my mind tells me to be straight. life is so troublesome.

Just take your time, dun rush on these things. Dont be like my ex falling in love with a Philipine gal thru MSN or so-called net-love like mad.. Take your time ok, u can always look or read more bout this les or not thing. U will observe clearer of wat u really want.

Sometimes, its just that our heart is not right all the times.. Its like we work everyday bcuz we wanan earn money and so on, but sometimes our heart just dun want to work and wanna relax at home.. but our mind know this will not be good.

PatrickChan SG

u feel more close to girls becoz they r more gentle and willing to listen to ur agony...

trust me one day when u found a guy who can understand u and make u happy all the time, u will slowly fall in love with him...

btw u spend so much time hanging with that girl.. why not hang out with ur close boy friend more often...........

and at the moment when u r still thinking about ur tat girl friend... there meant be boys who r admiring you in their heart but haven taken any action... try to spot them!

the time will come.. and u will become str8 and beautiful again/....

Good Luk all the best to you..... :)

j_dsowner SG

Zarks

yea.. i tik taking my time is impt.. afterall i'm still young.. but, when i listen to my mind, i feel pain in my heart, when i listen to my heart, i also feel pain in the way that she doesn't consider much about my feelings

PatrickChan

yup what u say abt me feeling close to girls is true.. yea.. there was this guy, who once listen to my problems n such and cared for me, i had feelings for him, which didn't last very long tho.

and no i don't have a boyfriend now btw. and doubt there are boys admiring me out there? cos i don't make friends with many boys. at most a few due to gaming reasons..

j_dsowner SG

i feel so emo. why is it that other ppl can talk about how they feel so easily to each other whereas i can't.

Gosu. SG

i feel so emo. why is it that other ppl can talk about how they feel so easily to each other whereas i can't.

Because you have fallen into the 'friendship-zone' she probably treats you as a bestie, also; from my own experience, it's because you care so much about how she feels and thinks and sub-consciously you know that confessing to her will not bring results.

I believe that most people are NOT 100-0, i.e totally straight, I myself am a 60-40(I'm a male, thus 60% female, 40% male)

My advise is not to confess, yes, you might regret it, but if she starts avoiding you because of it, I assure you that your pain will be greater. The only thing more hurtful than a heated quarrel, is a cold war. Oh, unless you want to gamble and end this hurtful crush once and for all, be it a positive outcome or negative.

I have alot more to say, but I can't think of it now, oh, to add on, my Sister is too a bi, and she once quoted:

"females are sensitive creatures, where their emotions overpower their logical thinking, and vice versa for men a couple(male and female) have numerous quarrels due to their sensitivity, now imagine - two girls together."

j_dsowner SG

but i've always thought two girls together, because we are sensitive, we tend to understand each other more...

Lorry` SG

yeah i no longer feel the pain on my butt lol.. but aiyo.. i still feel traumatised by that incident.. never have i felt so disgraced and embarrassed in public before.

and i don't understand that quote lol! no offence though. can't think of it.

i think if you like a person you'd not be calculative in a way that if she appreciates your effort or whatever? and also she didnt ask you to do all these for her your the one who want to do all these.. if you start to think your wastin time then maybe u shld really sit down and think.... maybe you are?

thats when you should know what you shld do and what you shouldnt.. theres a limit..

it means.... ok nvm

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