hmm. i guess it differs from person to person.
i like to pay for dates, because it's how i show love. even if i
go out with a friend, i don't mind paying for food etc.
but of course this is to the context that the girl doesn't abuse
this generousity la. if she takes it for granted, i will feel that
she's very inconsiderate. like that girl in the video i posted:
fancy that, she expects a guy to automatically buy her anything
that she fancies, with the cue word "wah! this is beautiful!" at
the drop of a hat. that's abusing and taking things for granted.
and worse still, she calls such actions, "gentlemanly". so does it
mean that if a man can't afford it, he's being ungentlemanly?
what i like best is, the standard "i buy dinner, you buy
movie" protocol. that way the burden isn't that huge for
any of us, and we both can treat each other to something.
the reason why this works so well, is because there are 5
languages of love:
a guy who enjoys treating ppl he love, most probably has gifts
as his language of love. which means he can only interpret love
through this language. so he will feel most loved if someone treats
him to something, or buys him a gift or something.
as for feeling insecure and self conscious about your
singlehood.. i can totally identify with that.
i think the answer i've found after all these years, is that,
the first step to this, is to love yourself first.
you cannot give to others what you never experienced or
received. and the worse thing is, that in the hurry to change your
relationship status on facebook or friendster, you rush into a bad
relationship without thinking, and suffer through it for a few
years, before breaking up and ending up being single again. and
these 4 years, could have been used to find someone better or
invested in a better way.
i find that surrounding myself with friends, really helps. going
to church, attending church meetings regularly, having friends to
go movies with, eat meals with, go clubbing with. it all helps. if
being alone bothers you, just ask people out for meals. i think for
girls should be easier right? lol. guys asking guys out for meals
on a one on one thing is abit weird.
normally i ask a girl friend out when i need company for lunch
or there's a good movie out or to club together.
and thankfully i have a god-sis who is always there to encourage
me and to spend time together whenever i feel down, alone and
vulnerable. lol she just elected me as coordinator for her wedding,
doh.
and now i have a really great relationship with my classmates,
go out eat together, watch movie together, do projects together,
study together etc..
as for what pleases a guy ah. again it differs from person to
person. and before i say what pleases me, i think you have to be
careful wat you're trying to achieve with this knowledge. because i
wouldn't feel that it will be right if you change who you are in
order to please the other party. bearing in mind, i do not refer to
bad habits. bad habits like inconsideration, rudeness, bitchiness
etc.. all these should go, regardless whether u are in a
relationship or not.
but i'm talking about your character, the very defination of who
you are. that don't need changing. and if u change it. it will be u
who will remain unhappy.
i guess, i like a girl who's cheerful with a sunny outlook about
life. who enjoys being in the company of someone who's always
saying "life sucks"? in fact that's one of my bad habit, and i'm
trying to change that.
a girl who is considerate, and gracious. and of course not
superficial and spendtrift. i enjoy eating at restaurants, and so
does this girl i'm seeing now. but she knows that it's not right to
take advantage of my willingness to treat her. and she adopted the
"you buy movie, i buy dinner" protocol. this is something i really
love about her. because i can see that she cares, and that is a
fine quality of a good wife. i wouldn't want to marry someone who
is spendtrift, who isn't conscious of the husband finances, and
only know how to add burden to him instead of helping to shoulder
burdens right?
summary: i used to be someone who is insecure about being
single, but after experiencing the bitterness of being attached,
and finding the right solutions to cope with being insecure until i
find the right partner, i can say i am very much happier as a
person. i feel more whole, and in fact, i am apprehensive about
walking into a potential relationship right now, because i'll hv to
sacrifice all the free time i have, and the company that i am
enjoying now. and i suggest that you think in a wider spectrum.
instead of asking yourself how to be a good girlfriend, ask
yourself how to be a good wife.. that should turn you to the right
direction. =)
so i hope this advice help
