I am depressed for being so single, and can
foresee myself being left on the shelf for the rest
of my life. Really envious of people who are good and healthy
relationships. I am already in my late twenties and didn't engage
in the relationship for years. I feel I have already missed the
boat in finding a partner as most of my colleagues are married or
engaged. I feel there is a stigma attached to singlehood. But I do
not want to walk into a dating agency and grab anyone who fancies
me. To me, relationship must be mutual.
So many people around me already talking about babies,
mother-in-laws etc.I feel so outdated. And often get questions
about when are you getting a boyfriend? getting married? you
already not young, do not be choosy, etc etc.
Sometimes, I do wonder if every woman on earth must get married.
I somehow feel an unmarried woman has some inbalance in her life.
Looking at some of the unmarried old woman I know, they seem to
experience certain things like bad temper, insecurity, loneliness,
defensiveness, extremely sensitive, etc. I just afraid I would end
up being like that soon.
Many a time, I wonder what is wrong with me. I always feel
awkward when I attend gatherings/ lunches whereby people talk
about their other half. Usually people will find me pleasant ,
in other words, they think I am simple -minded, easy-to-please
person. However, to the contrary,I am more opinonated and
independent. Perhaps thats put people off. And after the first
date, I didnt hear from the other party anymore. Then, again I
wonder if i should act dumb, pretend to be agreeable to look
more attractive to others, in other words act according to my
looks. By the way, I am not even materialistic in the first
place.
I just find it frustrating. Sometimes I think maybe when I hit
the big 30, I do not want to socialise anymore. Everyone will be
talking about partner/family issues which I can no longer
understand.
I think I can make up part of growing singles, who are not
welcomed.I already started to feel the stigma.
What do you guys think of women who are left on the shelf?
Problematic?
Your worries are not unfounded - you are facing
an intimacy VS isolation crisis (Erik Erickson), and if you are
unable to find someone to share intimacy, you are apt to fall into
isolation. It isn't simply just because you are single and alone,
but because simultaneously, you do not have a solid cause in life
to redirect your focus or fall back on.
And this is affecting your self image because now you reckoned
that there might be 'something wrong' with you because it seemed
that the world have entered into their next phase, while you are
still stuck even at the first step of dating.
Everyone here is saying 'oh being single is good, because you
have a lot freedom, time, etc.' But the problem is not about the
lack of freedom and time to do what you want, but rather, the lack
of ideals to burn out the abundance of time you have on hand. And
thus, very naturally, your biological clock and your social
environment will start pressurizing you till the edge of the cliff,
until you take the plunge into isolation and give yourself up.
Being single is not problematic, but I do not agree that people
should be single, if they have a choice not to. It's not a social
stigma thingy that I am looking at (in fact, I am hardly a
conformist); it's the individual growth factor that one will
greatly miss out if he/she adopt singlehood, despite having decent
choices.
In Love, there are several dimensions of 'afflictions', but not
every affliction is 'fatal'.
Most afflictions are reversible, if you can diagnose the
hindrance that is obstructing your path in Love and provided if you
are determined to change your fate. I do not believe that you will
be left on the shelf, if you are actively seeking to evolve
yourself.
The difference between both genders is that women are generally
passive towards finding the right one. They rather wait and die
waiting, than having to appear desperate. Somehow, you probably
believe that time and fate must work hand in hand mystically to
create the possibility of love.
But I tell you, it is not a one size fits all approach because
contrary to popular belief, fate do not come naturally to all
(CloUdiSm classify phenomenon as Barren Affection). 
***
Originally posted by Joi_lin:
I need to say most of my friends are female. Perhaps it
is my environment. I do not know. I am not that extremely outgoing
type and I dislike patronizing clubs and pubs. I do not like
outdoor activities. Not that I have never tried before but it is
really not my cup of tea.
***
The reason why your current situation does not
improve over the years, it's because your current life does not
change much. The equation is logical. If you want to witness
improvement, you got to spur a drastic revolution. From your above
statement, I conclude that you are probably more inclined towards a
homely person or your interests are generally solitary
activities.
What are your chances? Minimum?
Highest common factor on why people are still single over a long
period of time - they dislike socializing with people outside their
core group and generally prefer to 'swim' around familiar areas,
doing the things they always do or being the person they always
behave.
If you want to ignite the first spark of Love, you have got to
allow yourself the opportunity to be able to provide you with the
options to do so. You got to have more options or make more options
for yourself. If you have new interest to indulge in, you allow
yourself more opportunity to know new friends. If you have new
cause to pursue in life, you will find more like-minded people who
will share the same ideals (e.g. a religion). If you are willing to
evolve yourself, say when you learn to better doll up yourself, you
improve your self esteem naturally when you feel good inside and
outside.
Every plus points you actively initiated, will translate into a
positive outlook and you will naturally be attractive when you
strengthen your self identity and learn not to be encumbered by all
these worries.
Trust me, quality mates are not that difficult to find. The
problem in most people is the lack of self awareness and the
strategy they employ. 
Cheers
