girlfriend going out with other guys

Uncertain SG

Shocked Enlightment... thanks

nehpyh SG

What does the question " Would you be my gf/bf?" really say?

Options:
1. 'you can only be my gf and not see others';
2. 'you can be my gf and still see others';
3. ' you can be my gf, can't see others but I can behind your back';
4. 'you can be my gf and we all can see others'.
5. Feel free to add...

Whatever that's defined, the relationship will still undergo 'natural selection', matching attractiveness, ideal qualities, etc between partners...the most equilibrium ones will stay while others flutter around...

To me (subjective), making sure others enjoy my company, and I enjoy their company is the first step. When the time is right, then talk about stability and security. And then commitments. And then....There are order and priorities. Mess it up and the relationship might undergo unclear duress....

moletan2003 SG

Friends i am so tempted to talk to her and ask her opinion but i know i cannot do that. I need to see for myself if she really loves me. If she does show her true feelings than of course i will be there for her. If she wants out than I am out too need to learn how to live by myself. But i know better than anybody else what her reactions will be, considering her persistence for a break up the other time. I beg her back just because I cannot bear to live without her. Now after seeing her actions and words I am so utterly dissapointed in myself for being unable to win her heart. I have put in my effort but sometimes love is just not enough you need other things as well....

I am thinking of doing volunteer work to keep me occupy for a while, anyway I am in my late 20s getting old already

jojobeach SG

Moletan2003,

Why do you shape your life around her decision ?

My suggestion to you is this, move on.
Go make sure you will live a better life.

If she finds out you are down the pits since the break up. She will be more convinced leaving you IS the right choice.

The only way a woman will feel regrets for leaving a man is when she realized the man is happier without her.

Yes, go volunteer your time.
Go travel , go LIVE YOUR LIFE.

T.Ryousuke SG

Bro u still young dun beg for love, at least u had try yr best.

soleachip SG

When logic and reason makes no sense and when listening to your heart is too irrational, use your gut. Dude, when your gut is telling you not to call this woman, don't call this woman. Don't make the move. Let her come to you.

Has she called? Left you messages? If she's leaving 20 messages and calling 5 times day, pounding on your doors and begging you to take her back, then maybe you'll have a chance with her (apparently not). You have done everything you could. You've begged. You've made the effort. You've told her that you love her. So if she no longer digs you, she no longer digs you. Let your ego take the beating because there is nothing left to do. Just let it sink in. Then ride it out.

When your girl is acting cold towards you, don't start getting down on your knees and begging for her again. Why beg? Why hang around for more beating?

You're just feeling the pain from rejection that's all and it happens to the best of us. Take care dude. Before committing to a woman, best to commit to yourself.

jojobeach SG

I've noticed a common mistake men tends to make.

In times of adversity in the relationship, men calls for a "cool off" break.

Bear in mind that, you are in a relationship with a woman, NOT A MAN like yourself.

A woman is like a pendulum, when you see the swing losing it's speed, you give it another good swing. NOT ASK FOR A TIME OUT.

You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~.

The time out method works for men, I agree. BUT YOU ARE NOT DATING A MAN.

UNLESS your woman is so fugly, that no other man will want her.
The chances are, she WILL see greener pastures elsewhere.

Don't cry if you insist if she really loves you, she wouldn't leave you.
The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT.

A time out = abandonment. Women DO HAVE abandonment issues. OK ?

nehpyh SG

I totally agree with Jo.

Show support cos she's also into another unknown territory. Do what you are good at when you are with her - support. Unless of course, she asks you to stop bothering her than that's a different story.

But please, support hor, not pester her with all the weird sms, phone calls
, gifts and sudden appearances - do not do things that you haven't been doing.

Be sincere and earnest.

I almost lost my wife to her admirer. Without a cool head and sincerity, we wouldn't have managed.

A man in the late 20s and early 30s is just starting out, so dun lose heart.

As a consolation, the Chinese zodiac says that the best spouse should have a 6 years difference in age. That is just a guide so also no need to take it to heart....but on hindsight, consider the maturity, physical attraction, financial support, and life's experience you can offer to someone 6 years younger!!!! Wink

blu_sky SG

Yes, this is very true in most cases especially losing steam in a relationship.

However, if there are fundamental differences between 2 parties, time out may not be such a bad idea to evaluate the relationship with a cool mind.

selfobliged SG

forget about her. Is she truly loves u, u are the only one that she sees is her eyes...

Guardx SG

"The TRUE fact is IF YOU LOVE HER, you wouldn't call for a TIME OUT."
"You need to WORK HARDER to keep it going. NOT let it cool off.. guys~."

I almost died of lol. I was to shock to hear these words....

So am I right to say that TS never do anything that proves he loves her?
Come on! working harder for the relationship if the relationship is still worth saving I agree but not when the gal is going out with another man.

These are the very words that made me suffer so much in past!
What crap! Imagine listerning to these words and work even harder only to find the other party sleeping with another guy.

I challage you to ask the gal to do her part too.
If she wants this relationship she should fight too why only TS?

I was in TS shoes thats why I know how much hurt he is having.

If you were in his shoes will you do what you have just said?

T.Ryousuke SG

Love have no reason. Yr feeling say it all. If u have try yr best then u had answer to yrself and u won't regret next time. If she dun love u that much, she won't regret either.

Be a man, let go if ask to. Look at yrself and c wat went wrong.

If u think u r perfect then u won't improve, everyone learn from mistake. Take a step back and c wat u had done to her to made her drift from u.

jojobeach SG

Tell us what happen to your story.
There's probably a reason why it didn't work for you.

For a 2 years relationship to end like this, something must have gone right in the beginning to start, and something must have gone wrong in the end.

So, due to your past experience, are you going to always assume that your girl is gonna go sleeping with another man, every time she brings up issues with the relationship ?

AndrewPKYap SG

... I know of people that do not mind their men sleeping around and men that do not mind their women sleeping with other people....

... there are no hard and fast rules.. you go with what you are comfortable with within reason....

ordinaryguy32 SG

nehpyh, erhh.... I may be wrong, but I think it's the best spouse is 4 years difference, but even then, there are exceptions. You need to look at the whole 8 characters to make a good judgement.

In fact, the worst is a 6 years difference, but of course there are exceptions, and you might have encountered some.

ordinaryguy32 SG

duplicate post

ordinaryguy32 SG

Hi moletan2003,

I think jojobeach and nehpyh gave very good advice on your situation, and there's nothing I really can add that they didn't say.

Apart from one thing,

You mentioned that you have acknowledged the problems/weaknesses in the relationship which she has pointed out. But apart from acknowledgement, have you given the commitment to change? For example, if she feels that you didn't show enough concern for her, do you really understand her without resentment, and if so, can you change? (Like someone pointed out earlier, spending time doesn't necessarily mean showing concern).

You may have tried and failed many times to change things, and if that's the case, she may have a harder time giving you a last chance.

That's really nothing wrong in a woman (or man for that matter) fighting for her own happiness and seeking greener pastures if her current relationship doesn't meet her needs.

Like nehpyh mentioned, if she decides to throw in the towel, then there's really nothing much you can do. But if she hasn't, I am sure you can demonstrate your commitment to change things.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

Guardx SG

What happen in my past is over and I do not lived in the past.
Willing to work harder to get a better future. I have learnt the hard way in the past and became a better person now. I do not wish for the TS to walk the same path I have been through.

Due to your past experience, you going to always assume that the guys must always give in and keep giving in to make a relationship work. Have the gal ever done anything to prove it otherwise?

I do not believe in words but only actions of TS ex, if she is willingly to fight for the relationship she should have done something, why must we guys keep doing so much ?

I can understand from your point of view as a gal, is always something must have gone right in the beginning to start, and something must have gone wrong in the end but it does not solve the problem.

If you are right then TS should end the relationship asap as the whole relationship is a mistake any way.

Btw I do not assume, I was there and felt the pain and recovered from it.

To TS, if you love your ex and can take the fact she may be going out with someone or sleeping with by all means go ahead no one here can stop you.

If you are brave enough to accept reality and move on to a better life then you will find the inner peace that you seek.

ordinaryguy32 SG

Hi Guardx,

I sympathize with your previous plight and I'm glad you've emerged a better person.

I would agree that both parties need to demonstrate commitment to the relationship, and it's not just one party.

I think we have seen countless scenarios here where one party does not want the relationship anymore, and the Threadstarter, be it guy or girl, is always like grasping for air hopelessly.

Your point is that if the girl is going out with another guy, it signifies a loss of commitment, and at that point of time, it's like a total emotional break.

Your ex-gf is a girl who has little qualms about sleeping with other guys, and show little moral responsibility in any relationship, be it with you or with the next guy or guy after next..., and you are better off without her anyway.

Unfortunately there are girls (and guys) like this around... When I was in the army, I called up this girl I like everyday (we have to queue for the coin phone then), and she gave me the impression that she liked me as well, until I realised she had a boyfriend for several months.

But not all girls are like this.. Perhaps TS's girlfriend is only trying out and is still working hard, and I thought every situation is different.

By the way, I was the "other guy" 10 years ago to my girlfriend, and she went out with me whilst still in the relationship with a hopeless guy who didn't even do anything for her birthday and only wanted to do physical stuff. But she gave him plenty of chances, and he didn't take it nor want to change anything. So I "won" her over and gave her a better life which I think she deserves.

But your situation is still a good reference for TS, I believe.

Take care!

subaru67 SG

hmm,,, for me it takes 2 hands to clap... if yr gf still dun bothers u... u have to decide when to stop clapping Crying or Very sad

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