Sianz...I contemplating divorce

last SG · 2007-10-11T10:22:49+00:00

lol, you win. haha. Good wat, try to use more humour to communicate with her and within yourself loh. Unless you want to give up on marriage, then no need fo...

Spnw07 SG

I am bad-tempered and bear grudges too. Haiz, so I really can't consider marriage, huh?

Frustrated_guy SG

I know MIL-DIL r/s not easy. Tat why I do not want both to live together. Even worse if 1 party starts to badmouth the other. HB being caught in between is always a distressing situation...

norm SG

just be nice to your wife. She just wants to have privacy with you and all of you to herself.

Frustrated_guy SG

Honestly, not all marriages are the same. Or maybe I should say, not all wives are the same. Think about the reasons both of you want to get together.

When angry, don't bring out all the angry words, much worse purposely irritating what the other party don't like to hear. Because I'm a patient guy, my wife knows only by threatening divorce she can irritate me. So be it loh. I can entertain her until all hell breaks loose.

Frustrated_guy SG

That is not really possible. If a couple have been through marriage counselling, it says even in marriage, each other needs to have their own privacy and time. All the time together will bring frustration and other negativity in.

I got listen one, ok. Smile

ordinaryguy32 SG

I think that's where counselling helps.

I would think that counselling will be a good thing for your marriage.

If your wife doesn't want counselling, try telling her the alternative is a lose-lose divorce. I know she highlighted that you would be a big time loser in the event of the divorce, but hey, she's also part of the losing deal too.

ShrodingersCat SG

You know that email story about this boy who often loses his temper and once day the father/mother tells him everytime he loses his temper to go and bang some nails in the fence? After like 1 month or what, he told the boy to remove it. Then he showed the boy the holes left by the nails.

Maybe you can send it to your wife so she understands that when she loses her temper, the hurt she can cause is permanent even when she says sorry, sometimes it is hard to heal.

Sometimes they are not aware of how often she uses hurting words when they are angry. Record it down quietly, show it to her one of the occasions when both of you are having good talk.

And ask her, if you have been married for 3 years, and she spends 25% of the time quarreling and asking about divorce, ask her does she really feel this unhappy married to you.

mistyblue SG

yeah I know. Its distressing for him. Actually he was the one who made the choice to live together. I told him its not good. He insisted and I give way because I know it means much to him to stay with his parents and near his siblings and his nieces and nephews. But at the end, there are conflicts because of the way I live is dramatically different from his family. His mother has hell lot of complains and she blasted at my mom - then later deny everything when confronted. She also know what to say to her son and press his buttons to appear good and kind in front of him. I didn't care if I offend him nowadays but putting up with alot of things for the past year. Sometimes, I know his mom is jealous of me, I also know his mom cannot let go... What to do... He stress loh .. I also stress loh

angel7030 SG

Ya! i agreed, in the way of telling people here the way your wife acted, i believe you should, in term of your marriage, call it a day.

Having said that, as usual, we only heard one side of the story.

jojobeach SG

Agree.

It's only one side of the story.

Frustrated_guy,

You did mention you often piss her off.
I'm pretty sure you are not as gentleman to her ,as you would want others to believe during an argument/disagreement.

My couples com instructor once mentioned.

It's cheaper to make your wife happy. Because divorce is a hefty price to pay.

During a disagreement.
Never insist your reasoning is right.

Your size 13 shoes will not fit her size 6 feet.

jojobeach SG

If she wants her way, why arn't you giving it to her ?

Why do you have to keep fighting her like this ?

Women are insecure creatures, and we are creatures of desires.

The more you don't want to give her, the more she will want it and demand it.
When you offer it in abundance on a plate, she will turn her head away when she is tired of it after the first two bites.

All you need to do is figure out what she wants.
If she wants security. you throw a heap at her, no need to wait for her next demand of it, just give her lots anytime you have it.
Soon she will demand less of it.
Soon she will get tired of it.
Soon she will no longer ask of it.

Why does she need to control you with a leash, if you walk beside her willingly ? Without her commanding you to heel all the time ?

So, stop fighting her.
Denying her what she wants doesn't make you feel more like a man. Does it ?

Isis SG

Funny.. some of us condemn the TS and the wife and so who the hell is right and wrong here ?

The end issue is both are right and wrong.

I hope Ts contemplate and think properly ... what is his next steps.
It is his life after all and he is responsible for how he wants to lead it.

We are just side-liners.

countdracula SG

stand your ground...stay out more often and if the man asks why, let fly that you don't have a home, only a bed where you sleep....your husband is a mommy's boy...make him understand the consequence of holding onto his mommy's apron string...

Frustrated_guy SG

Actually, I can bear the occasional arguments. It's the threat that I cannot stand. For her, she loses it when she gets angry. I have talked to her before liao. She promised not to do it. So now what? She knows it irritates the hell outta me and she purposely do it again and again.

Frustrated_guy SG

I have to be honest hoh, don't be angry. I think staying together will not help. Maybe for a while when cards are laid, threats are made and each party promises to be OK. Then soon, the whole cycle repeats itself.

DIL and MIL lifestyles are never in sync one. Maybe got, but very rare. They only have 1 thing in common, the son. Which means, both will be fighting for him for a long time. And since, son and mother have been living in that flat for so long, DIL will have to bear with it when she moves in. If son refuses to move out, I cannot see how this can resolve the delicate rift that exists between DIL and MIL. Good luck to your HB. He want to live like that, he have to bear the stress.

ShrodingersCat SG

I think she does not realise how often she threatens to divorce you. That is why I think you need to show her visually how many days in a month, she may use this as a weapon against you.

Hell, compromise and give her a quota within a time span, i.e. maximum 3 times in 1 month. Mark it on the calendar you have on the wall each time she says it. If she says it moe than that, tell her you will take her seriously. If not give 3 chances to /ignore her childish speech.

Frustrated_guy SG

Yeah, I do piss her off, but most of the time I do not know the reason. But no, I'm never violent or say things to purposely irritate her. I'm more of a logic guy than emotional.

I can raise an arm, and then she din say the reason, then scold me liao. I can stand at one particular spot, she frowned and then scold me liao. I talk to my parents, can't remember everything in detail, then she scold me liao. I ask her why she like to scold me, she said I irritate her. I was like WTF?!! If I have, I must admit I din do it on purpose.

But I agree, when a marriage got something wrong, not 1 party at fault. I admit I must have done something wrong too. But does it warrant a threat of divorce? Hmmm.....

Frustrated_guy SG

If all she wants affects her life, then OK. But my stuff she also wants to control leh. So, I practically become a robot and all will be fine? I like freedom. I believe in free will. I hate control. So, I never restrict her. That said, if she wants divorce, why should I stop her, right? It's all free will.

Zarks SG

just divorce before u really kill her la.. she cant understand anything or how u really feel.. to me, she doesnt even care how u feel but only hers

Frustrated_guy SG

HAHA! Quota ah. Got lah. I got record. My mobile sms also got her sms threats. Now I using forum to record loh. Thanks.

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