Yes, exactly right, if, for example they expect their wives to
be as perfect as they are and (they let her know, directly or
indirectly, consciously or unconsciously) they will leave her if
she does not meet up to their standards.
Don't reassure her. Just tell her, I won't divorce you, if you want
to divorce me, I can't stop you.
Then ignore her and do what you want with your life. Switch off. If
you had a nagging mother when you were young you should have learnt
the skill to switch off.
Watch TV and ignore her when she starts her nonsense and say
"orrrr" to whatever sh!t she says.
Talk to her when she is talking sense and just say "orrrrr" when
she is talking nonsense. Don't reply. just give her the 
look and say "orrrr"
In the beginning it will be difficult but after a while, you would
have learnt a new skill.
Just remember not to "do unto her what she does to you"
Just remember to "do unto her what you want her to do until
you."
Even better, "do unto her what she wants you to do unto her..." as
far as possible.
I said as far as possible because hey, you have a life too. Just
because she wants you home every day the minute you finish work,
and yes she wants that, but it is impossible as far as you are
concerned.
On the other hand, when you see her, when you are with her, give
her a massage, give her a hug... these are also things that she
wants you to do and these are the things that you can do.
These small gestures also reassure her daily that you will not
divorce her. Remember women are insecure creatures and they need
reassuring everyday.
Use your brains how you can reassure her daily, even if it is not
true.
For example, if you have the opportunity say stupid things in front
of family and friends like, "I really cannot live without my wife"
or "In the next life I still want to marry my wife" even if it is
totally untrue.
This is why "bad" men can have good marriage. They lie through
their teeth and the "good" men wonders why these idiots that are
liars, cheaters and womanizers have such good marriages.
They might for example have lovers that do not threaten their
marriage. They might have a lover in Batam or JB, for example. If
he has to choose between the lover and the wife, he will always
choose the wife and the lover and wife both knows it. (The wife
knows that he will choose her, not the wife knows he has a
lover/s).
So you see, it is how you balance the positives and the negatives.
To you, it is black and white. You are either a good husband or you
are not. The reality is that you are good in some ways and you are
bad in some ways.
So in your mind, tell yourself, I am good in this way and I am bad
in these way, take it or leave it. If you are all bad, sure, she
will leave it. But as long as you are good (have what she wants,
not good according to your own bible) in other ways, you will be
fine.
You cannot give her everything she wants and you cannot satisfy her
all the time and you have your own needs. Find a balance.
Experiment.
Remember not to take and don't give back and also remember not to
give and don't take. As for her nonsense, just ignore and say
"orrrrr".
