Sianz...I contemplating divorce

last SG · 2007-10-11T10:22:49+00:00

lol, you win. haha. Good wat, try to use more humour to communicate with her and within yourself loh. Unless you want to give up on marriage, then no need fo...

Frustrated_guy SG

She will say "Shao lai che yi tao" and then push me away Confused

Frustrated_guy SG

Yeah loh, little things also quarrel. Anyhow let divorce. Yeah loh, treat marriage like what. I also don't know what she thinking Rolling Eyes

Frustrated_guy SG

You might as well say it out loud it's church counselling, isn't it? HAHA! We been through pre-marital counselling lah. I distinctly heard the counsellor say, "Don't anyhow threaten divorce. Don't badmouth each other's parents" Guess she got the capacity to break all these rules.

Btw, if you have any lawyer office, pls pm me. Thanks.

Frustrated_guy SG

She already caught onto me many times liao. My "orrrr" and "mmm" she will notice one. She will test me later and if I cannot answer, she will blow up bigger. I already know how to shut off 100% liao. Sometimes, when she talk nonsense, I only hear noise.

Some of your words make sense. But that would mean I have to learn to lie? I am not really very good at that. Maybe that's my weakness. I did not "hong" my wife like other men hoh?

I beginning to understand a little what you trying to say. But in practice, it won't be easy. Thanks for your advice Smile

cloud210 SG

Sorry this part don't understand, my english not very good. You've got another way to explain this in simpler words? Neutral

AndrewPKYap SG

Of course it is not easy, otherwise, everyone will have perfect marriages.

"hong" your wife is a better term than "lie" hahaha I must learn from you how to use the better term... but "hong" and "lie" hahaha, to me, they are the same...

With women, you have to put your foot down but unlike with men, you have to put your foot down in a gentle manner.... you have to "hong" them. Laughing

Short Ninja SG

to turn a deaf ear to your wife is not a good idea as she would only get louder and louder until she gets your undivided attention by then you are already in a fighting mode.Maybe its already too late to try this but if you are not happy with her actions or things that she says you need to deal with it there and then.Do not try to ignore and think that your ears are not listening....or yes they do listen to every single word,this is to prevent you from holding up and exploding like a Volcano later.I dont know if I mentioned this before but here is one good way of voicing your grievances with her....get her to write down all the things that she is not happy about you and you do the same.Later just go through them together one at a time in a mature civil manner,the things you both agree just tick them and the things you dont you discuss.Sometimes we learn more by finding out the things we dont want to know. Mr. Green

Mitell SG

Hi TS,

I didnt read every post here, only read ur starting post. Have u found any solution yet? If not then here is my bit of advises.

In the first place I want to talk about your relationship. U are letting the 2 woman become your boss controlling u. Just imagine yourself serving under 2 diff boss that dont agree on each other. One said this and the other said that, dont u think is chaos? U will go crazy one day.

How about this? Turn the relationship over where u become their boss and let the 2 woman be your worker that work under u. Dont u think is more easy to manage? U want 2 worker or 2 boss u decide yourself. Well, how to make them listen to u willingly is an art. If u dont have the wisdom to do it then it will be real bad. Go and figure out a way. Maybe u can try the carrot and stick method?

The other one that I wanna chat about is your situation now. U got a new flat right? u can move into it with ur new wife first. Tell your mom to give u some time to settle down a bit. After that ask her not to sell her flat but come over to stay over the weekend and see how well it goes.

Good luck Smile

jojobeach SG

Doing oorrr and mmmm will only fuel the fire.
This kind of behavior is downright condescending to your wife.
And yes, you will pay for this later.

What you really need to do is to validate her feelings.
This word " validate" I cannot use enough.
Because men don't know how to effectively use it.

You know why she keep using divorce right ? Yep, because she knows you don't have the guts to give it to her.

Anyway, you're a pushover and the two most important women in your life knows about it.

What your wife is doing, telling you to do it her way.
She and your mom is in a power struggle and you are caught in-between.
Get yourself out of this fem war ( the fight to determine who rules the roost)

ordinaryguy32 SG

Hi TS,

I have been following your threads, but have said nothing so far because others have pretty much covered everything that needs to be said.

But here, I would like to suggest a more creative approach of solving your problems.

I don't think the issue is fundamentally about your mom moving in, or others.

Fundamentally, I think it is your wife that is suffering from low self-esteem, and hence she needs to micro-manage you. That results in you suffering in bad relationships with say, your parents, and in turn, you feel resentful about it. Your wife feels that she needs to "own" more of you than anyone else, including your parents, friends.. etc.

Divorce is a quick but painful way to end the marriage.

An alternative might be to examine why your wife feels so insecure in life in the first place. Although that wouldn't solve your immediate problems, it might very well treat the root of the problem, instead of the symptoms.

Hope that helps.

ordinaryguy32 SG

mistyblue,

I'm glad you are standing up for yourself, and yes, it's high time indeed.

Your MIL is little different from my own MIL, who resorted to dirty tricks to wringing money from all of her children except the darling youngest.

I hope you prevail in the end.

Good luck!

jeremy89632 SG

Just close one eye on your mum lor.

hiphop2009 SG

be the bad guy, while true dat we shld always listen to our parents but this time dun u think dat your mum is too much?

hey, your wife is also a human!

if your mum is smart and CLEVER enough den she wouldnt be nagging you and fustrating you over staying with you or not. many parents nowadays do not want to stay with their children because: xiang1 jian4 rong2 yi4 xiang1 chu3 nan2, which means seeing each other is easy but living together is difficult, because each of us has different kind of habits in which others may not accept easily.

while u can try to be a good husband and a filial son but let me tell you this: DO NOT LET THEM THREATEN YOU TO GET THEIR WAY!

t_a_s SG

girls are very selfish

t_a_s SG

my wife also the same , never stay with my mum also got problem with her, gals are funny creature

Short Ninja SG

Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:

the reason is that those men that fool around all the time has managed to convince their wifes that they will never leave them.

those perfect husbands send the wrong signals to their wives and have unhappiness in the marriage no end...

I think that you belong to the second category...

Don't take your marriage as sacred, just take it as marriage for life...[/b]

On the first one.If a married man is fooling around it means there is something really wrong & missing in the marriage itself and if he is having an extra marital affair it means sooner or later he would get caught or you could conclude that the marriage is already three quarter out the door.
About the second one.If there is a perfect husband how could he be sending wrong signals? The problem with men is that they give their all during courtship and loses steam after marriage and that is how a man becomes imperfect.Not all women would demand that the love be the same or better over the years but for those who are over demanding then this is where the trouble starts (See Category one)

angel7030 SG

Please hor, Dun generalise us just because some wifey and mother in laws cannot get along ya.

I am alway good with anyone ya.

theSquelch SG

i doubt TS has balls to carry out lah
he talk talk talk only, end up like his wife use divorce to threaten
most probably things will devolve into screaming matches like

i divorce u ha!
i then divorce u!
no, i divorce u first!
no no, is I divorce U!!
etc etc

angel7030 SG

I dun agree that there is alway problem in marriage life that lead to men fooling around, some men fool around just to get the kick of it, in older days, men are allow to married 3-4 wives you know. It just that today laws stated one gal for one guy, no free gift.

In fact, married men are very skillful in tackling gals, me nearly kennas trick by them, luckily me also can act, if not kennas eaten liao also dun know, some of my gf sometime get inolved with married men, most of them said they are single, then later when get the girl fell in love them, they then declared their married status knowing that the girl would go away. Poor girl, kenna tricked.

I will like to plead to all Married Men, Please stick to your wife and dun destroy another girl life for the sake of humanity and Love. Thank you

SBS9546J SG

please do not be so rash,think first k?you know getting married with the one you really love is not so easy,so dont give up so easily

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