Damn frustrated and confused.

last SG · 2007-09-14T01:34:57+00:00

We shared a lot. I've been to his place a couple of times, I know how he treats his family members. He knows mine. Gah, I really dont know. I understand that...

dumbdumb! SG

who's TS?? is it another person, damn confusing

Avenged_7X SG

I think his hobby is probably sleeping. Laughing

furb SG

TS = thread starter = the person who start this thread

dumbdumb! SG

thanks for clarifying. Embarassed

but her post nv said he slapped her or abused her leh

dumbdumb! SG

btw, i just want to point out to the thread starter:

it seems to me, that you're in love with the boyfriend in your mind than your boyfriend.

when i say that, i mean that, in your mind, you picture him to be someone who will give up whatever he loves just for you, you picture scenarios from tv drama, and hopes that he will be as romantic as those guys on tv etc.

i think that's very selfish, immature and unrealistic.

just another point.

fgfm SG

What I want exactly is not for him to give up, just reduce.

jojobeach SG

Dear fgfm,

Sounds oh so familiar.

We've all been through this stage girl.

We want our man to give up something of themselves because we don't approve of it.

Unfortunately, this expectation can only be met, ONLY when he sees it deserving.

We've all tried, we nag, we threaten to end the relationship, we give our most disapproving face, we throw our pride away doing the tantrum shit.
In the end, we're labeled the biatch, by his friends, by his families, by him.

You can either blend in , or you take off.

Don't expect him to change. Either you accept his "hobby" or you don't.

This is part of being in a relationship.
You scope your guy out. His likings, his interests, his hobbies, his circle of friends.
Then you put all these info together and you ask yourself.
IS HIS LIFESTYLE compatible with MINE ??

If the answer is no, the search for to find the guy. Starts all over again.

It takes 2 years for you to figure out this is not the right guy.
Be glad it takes ONLY 2.

Others takes more than 2 some less than 2 to find out he/she is not the right one.

I know of a couple who took them 10 years to finally decide they are not meant for each other.

So consider yourself lucky.

dumbdumb! SG

i agree.. Neutral

ordinaryguy32 SG

I think we do not know enough of TS and her relationship with her bf to label her as a bad gf, or him as a bad bf.

Vulgarities mean different things to different people. Different people have different levels of communication.

TS,

No doubt, you want the understanding and attention of ur bf, and rightly so. But sometimes it helps to communicate properly. And frankly speaking, I think sms text messages sometimes miscommunicate feelings, rather than communicate.

As jojo mentioned, we guys aren't telepathic. We really aren't.

You could have said that "i am looking forward to this party becos i want to unwind", and he would get the message in a clearer manner. And perhaps, both of you would go off happily to the party, and you wouldn't be here posting all these.

Your bf has faults too, but guys usually hate girls who nag at them all the time.
My wife has nagged countlessly at my hobby too, and after sometime, i learnt to give in, and she learnt to respect i need that outlet.

For you, a compromise needs to be set in after much discussion.
Maybe his hobby is a source of self-worth and self-esteem, or simply the best way to unwind, as for me.

I would suggest to the bf, if he reads this, that a relationship requires more than words, it needs action and commitment. Oversleeping and making a girl wait is downright unacceptable. And girls are usually very sensitive and "do one thing while say another". That's girls, for you. Learn to manage the moods of a girl, and you'll get far in your relationship.

ordinaryguy32 SG

Originally posted by jojobeach:

Dear fgfm,

Sounds oh so familiar.

We've all been through this stage girl.

We want our man to give up something of themselves because we don't approve of it.

Unfortunately, this expectation can only be met, ONLY when he sees it deserving.

We've all tried, we nag, we threaten to end the relationship, we give our most disapproving face, we throw our pride away doing the tantrum shit.
In the end, we're labeled the biatch, by his friends, by his families, by him.

You can either blend in , or you take off.

Don't expect him to change. Either you accept his "hobby" or you don't.

This is part of being in a relationship.
You scope your guy out. His likings, his interests, his hobbies, his circle of friends.
Then you put all these info together and you ask yourself.

IS HIS LIFESTYLE compatible with MINE ??

If the answer is no, the search for to find the guy. Starts all over again.

It takes 2 years for you to figure out this is not the right guy.
Be glad it takes ONLY 2.

Others takes more than 2 some less than 2 to find out he/she is not the right one.

I know of a couple who took them 10 years to finally decide they are not meant for each other.

So consider yourself lucky.

How about trying to understand why he needs his lifestyle (and hence hobbies) and at the same time, seeking his understanding of why you think his hobby/lifestyle is something you find disagreeable/threatening?

The model you've proposed suggested that we are pieces of jigsaw puzzles, and a successful relationship consists of finding the other perfect piece.

How about adapting to the lifestyle, in win-win ways? Of course, it takes two hands to clap.

ordinaryguy32 SG

It is common for girls to have expectations of their bf.

The best way to get him to reduce his time on the hobby is to try to understand why he needs that hobby.

And I think you are not totally against the hobby, and that is a great starting point.

I think 2 weeks is all you need to patch up, and hopefully you 2 will address the mistakes that lead to this little unfortunate breakup.

jojobeach SG

There are many kinds of hobbies.
A woman wouldn't mind their man having hobbies.
Provided they are healthy and wholesome.
In fact, we do understand they need hobbies, and would encourage them to participate in it because we know they need some form of outlet.

There are however, some hobbies that woman will very likely disapprove.

In random order,
1. Clubbing ( too often)
2. Drinking
3. Gambling
4. Snooker/Billiards
5. Street racing
6. Hanging out in void decks/other public places.
7. Computer/Gaming addiction.
8. Porn

These are the few I can think of so far.

The only way a woman can approve of the above hobbies, is unless she, herself enjoys the same hobby too.
But then again, how likely is a man to approve of such a woman ?

Men are our jigsaw puzzle match. Indeed, it is true.

I have to admit I ain't no spring chicken.
I've dated many men, had several relationships, before I met my match.
Imagine a woman who walked out of that fitting room with the one dress that feels good, looks good and priced right, leaving behind a heap of "tried" clothes. This is, I believe a true win-win scenario.

fgfm SG

Lets just take it as his hobby is gaming since its somewhat like it.

The main reason why I really dislike his hobby is because he would neglect me. He doesnt know his limits and he would not reply my smses even if he could pause for a moment. He did it over-excessively once and we broke up as a result. Thus, I have been trying my best to compromise. I tried to accept his hobby, but he doesnt bothers about compromising.

Anyway, the incident has happened more than a week back. We are still sms-ing but not much. And we arent together. He has asked if we wanted to patch but I did not give him an immediate answer. Maybe people in here were right, I dont deserve him. For being such a bad gf.

radii SG

pay 4 a china or bangla bf?

fgfm SG

.........

jojobeach SG

fgfm,

You are not alone.
Many of my friends broke off with their bf because of this kind of obsessive activity.
They eventually found other bf whom are into more healthier hobbies.

On the other hands, those male friends I have who are into gaming addiction, too often , found themselves without a gf. Yet, they still complain why girls are not understanding.

I dated a guy who are into cards and mahjong , every weekend, they would gather at one of their kakis home and play for 24 hours.
I often fell asleep on the couch, waiting for him to be done. It was a lonely affair, I had to give up the relationship because it is like not having a bf , and wasting my time. He may be enjoying his game, I was bored out of my mind.
I tried playing the games, but I just could not get myself interested because at the back of my mind, it is a very useless game.

Now, he's still single.

BenBenDeZhu SG

i find that most faults lies with the guy, i see nth wrong with the most of her 'demands' Confused maybe its me? Mr. Green

ShrodingersCat SG

don't let ur insecurity control you to do stupid things that you regret

don't use break up as a bargaining tool

get a social life away from ur boyfriend so if he is busy, u have ur own life too
this will help you to put your relationship in perspective to the rest of your life
doesn't mean if u bored, he's the only source of company
else very pressurising for one person also

Anyway, u can't change who he is
can only change yourself
and if you can't accept his behaviour, his perspectives and values
break up is better than dragging this relationship in mud.

ShrodingersCat SG

i think the problem is not with the 'demands' it is WHY she demands and HOW she demands it.

fgfm SG

Thanks. I needed that.

« Previous Page Next Page »