Damn frustrated and confused.

last SG · 2007-09-14T01:34:57+00:00

We shared a lot. I've been to his place a couple of times, I know how he treats his family members. He knows mine. Gah, I really dont know. I understand that...

fgfm SG

I do have a social life. But because I placed him as my priority, whenever I am free I will usually asked if he was free to meet up. But I was never his. I know I cant change him, but he wasnt like that in the past. I've came to a point that I would compromise, and accept him slowly. But its just too difficult.

We have thus broken up.

Thanks for your advice too~

ShrodingersCat SG

actually i dont think you should put your boyfriend as priority in your life. again, some men may find it ego boosting, but most will probably find it a great deal of pressure.

I am not saying his behaviour is acceptable. I am just saying that, ultimately being with someone else in a relationship needs to be a choice, not a need. Compromises still need to be made but it has to be made in an environment of mutual respect and trust.

he may not need to be with you all the time to be happy, but that does not mean he did not CHOOSE to love you. but if choosing to love you means he needs to fulfil a set of criteria in which to show his love for you - then you have to decide how much you need these criterias to be fulfilled in order to choose to love him HAPPILY in return.

sorasky SG

lol what a bossy girl Evil or Very Mad

BenBenDeZhu SG

i dont see much wrong with the WHY n HOW aniway. those are small things. the guy doesnt noe how to negotiate with her la Mr. Green but of coz this is only my own opinion

Zarks SG

You dont want , i want.

Nowadays gals are already too kepo and act..

gal like TS is really the type i like..

I would love a gf as loyal and as good as her.. hard to find this type of gal already..

Her being insensitive? I dont thk so, its normal. Just that bf is a real jerk to my eye..

If only im her bf.. i would have die for her

Zarks SG

sigh , after reading so many times bout TS thread. i still dont thk TS is wrong in anyway. OK, u may say shes a bit despo to ask his bf to send him home.. and what .. the bf said indirectly for her to go back herself? what is that??

i dont mind to send my gf home unless im too busy for something and cant do anything bout it..

Damn, i dont understand why some guys can even think its totally her fault..
But TS made a good decision of dumping him. he doesnt deserve TS at all..I can somehow understand how TS feel.. Hes treating her like a stranger

Dont know bout u guys, but IMO, shes already considered a good gal to me.. How i wish i can get this kind of gal

kennyrogers SG

Dear all,

Remember that in any RS, it takes 2 hands to clap. Its easy to point the finger and accuse the other party of neglecting yourself.

Using "breakup" as a threat more often leads to guy to either:

1.) take it as a ultimatum to either choose between HIS life or HER life, which most of us can attest to the fact that its a rather obvious choice...

2.) shows to us that the girl infact DOESNT value this relationship at all! whats the point in starting a RS only to want to end it at any whim and fancy?

Dear TS, There is nothing wrong with making him your priority, but you have to ask yourself, "Are you unconciously demanding him to make you his priority?"

the Key word here is "Demand".

In society, ask anyone on how a RS is supposed to work and the typical reply would be it would be about how the other-half makes them happy. What ever happened to GIVING?
Has everyone gyrated towards wanting to only Recieve in a rs?

Dear TS, from your part of the story, I must say you are one spoilt brat. Always demanding his time and attention. It shows that you still lack in the maturity department by claiming to use vulgarities on him when he also does the same to you. jojo has stated it clearly, that two wrongs doesnt make a right.

In light of this, even before listening to the Guy side of the story, it is difficult to symphatise with you nor condone your behavior.

fgfm SG

Originally posted by kennyrogers:
Dear all,

Remember that in any RS, it takes 2 hands to clap. Its easy to point the finger and accuse the other party of neglecting yourself.

Using "breakup" as a threat more often leads to guy to either:

1.) take it as a ultimatum to either choose between HIS life or HER life, which most of us can attest to the fact that its a rather obvious choice...

2.) shows to us that the girl infact DOESNT value this relationship at all! whats the point in starting a RS only to want to end it at any whim and fancy?

Dear TS, There is nothing wrong with making him your priority, but you have to ask yourself, "Are you unconciously demanding him to make you his priority?"

the Key word here is "Demand".

In society, ask anyone on how a RS is supposed to work and the typical reply would be it would be about how the [b]other-half makes them happy. What ever happened to GIVING?
Has everyone gyrated towards wanting to only Recieve in a rs?

Dear TS, from your part of the story, I must say you are one spoilt brat. Always demanding his time and attention. It shows that you still lack in the maturity department by claiming to use vulgarities on him when he also does the same to you. jojo has stated it clearly, that two wrongs doesnt make a right.

In light of this, even before listening to the Guy side of the story, it is difficult to symphatise with you nor condone your behavior.[/b]

I do value this relationship I have with him. It has been more than a week since we broke up, but I am still seeking ways to salvage this relationship. I think of him everyday, I wont say that he doesnt think of me because I dont know so I wont assume.

Yeah, I am a spoilt brat. An attention seeking one. Thanks. I knew it long ago since very young Maybe thats why he liked me in the first place. But only if he knew how to balance his stuffs. He shows more love towards his hobby than towards me. Its just too tiring.

Moreover, I believe I have put in 101% of my effort in this relationship. I dont know about him. I just feel I gave too much. You know the feeling of someone whom you keep caring for just give you cold shoulder just because he's more engrossed in engaging something he 'enjoys' and probably 'loves more' ?

Thats it.

fgfm SG

Anyway….To those who bothered replying this thread, I sincerely thank you. Even if I did response to ‘rebuke’, be assured that I have read the thread and have taken the points into view.

dumbdumb! SG

does that imply that he's a loser? zzz that's very shallow la.

he may not have found the right one. the right one would be someone who can accept him for who he is.

so i think that remark don't prove anything.

jojobeach SG

Oh no no. Don't misunderstand.

He is by no means a loser.
As long as he is happy with what he is, that's all fine and dandy.

Just that we girls, will tend to avoid this kind of guy.

Surely, he will eventually find someone who can accept him for who he is.
When that day come, I will send the champagne for celebrations.

But until then, I can only wish him luck.

Wink

dumbdumb! SG

tend to avoid this kind of guy. can you be more specific, like.. you girls don't like guys who are gamers or what?

jojobeach SG

We don't mind gamers. Just NOT the obsessive type.

You know, gaming is an entertainment.
Some guys makes gaming their life.
They let the game consume their self.

At night, you hear them shouting " FIRE IN THE HOLE!" while sleeping.

They talk about online strategies with so much fervor, you'd think their career would be in a special strike/tactic force.

Their finger shivers while holding a French fries.... Signs of keyboard withdrawal.

Example of these kind of people, go to youtube.com, search for The Guild by watchtheguild.

Those kind, we avoid them like a plague.
Yes they DO exist.

dumbdumb! SG

are there really such types?

lol. okok, damn comical.

but i mean, if its not obsessive gaming, but maybe the guy is obsessed with tennis, or obsessed with fitness etc.. would u like?

i'm trying to figure out whether girls hate games in general, or obsessiveness

ShrodingersCat SG

why i say WHY.

I think its cos the problem is she is asking her bf to send her home in the hope that by doing so he will PROVE to her she is important to him, or MORE important to him than whatever he was doing at the moment.

A lot of her actions seem calculated to TRY and provoke a response from him.

It's a vicious cycle see:

The More She Tries -> The More the guy don't want to do it -> The More Hurt and insecure she becomes -> THE MORE she tries....

and it continues.

ShrodingersCat SG

Sometimes its not the quantity of the attention, but the quality.

it is ok to be attention seeking - but different people needs different methods -

and if your current efforts to seek attention isn't getting success: might it is easier on yourself to consider other methods.

Dead banging yourself against a wall gets you attention too. Just not the right type I think you want.

jojobeach SG

Are there really such types ?.. LOL.. you mean you havn't met one yet ?

Any form of obsessiveness is BAD.
But the true deal breaker are gamers. WHY ?

Physical games like tennies or fitness, you cannot do those for 24 hours, NON-stop, you'd die first. Besides, those are healthy, makes the body STRONG... yah.. we like strong.... (ahem).

Now, gaming, it's a whole new story.
I know of people who practically plant themselves on their bed for 3 days, and have the PC attached to the side.
Only getting up to the restroom, if they have a choice, they'd probably put a potty under their butts. They eat, sleep and stayed awake infront of the PC.
WHAT FOR ?.. to get to LEVEL 80, or they lose their honor.

Now, don't get me wrong, girls don't hate games, they probably grew up with one anyway. But it's the obsession that just kills any romance in a relationship.

Besides, it's just natural women instinct to avoid such men.
Imagine, this

Wife : Hun, can you change the baby's diaper please ?
Hub : Eh ? Why, that's why diapers are for, I'm fighting the KING now hun.

Wife: Hun, can you pick up the kids ? I need to do grocery run.
Hub: Eh ? I need to go home straight after work, my clansmen are waiting for me to start the clash of the TITANs with another basty clans.

Wife: Hun, will you give me a back rub ?
Hub: Eh ? My fingers are aching today hun. How a about I use my feet ?

See . Really, hardcore gamer guys should just get themselves a virtual girlfriend. And the world will be at peace.

ShrodingersCat SG

Yeah good advice. However, not every woman got this type of instinct built in. They need to go back to workshop for detection radar upgrading.

That is why important if u recognise this quality in the man already, no point trying to change him until he become your husband

siam first liao and feel relieved.

very relieved.

fgfm SG

Agree with jojobeach. This kind of guys do exist and sadly enough, my ex was one of them. Worst of it all, there's no future in it. I dont see why he can spend 90% of his time on it, and yet 10% on other stuffs like sleeping, bathing.

If he was obsessed with a sport, maybe basketball or badminton, I probably will join him. But what he is being obsessed now is seriously, ridiculous and hopeless. I dont hate games, I am a gamer too. Somehow. But not as obsessed as he is. So I guess I just hate his obsessiveness.

fgfm SG

He wasnt like that when I met him...Argh. Wasnt that 'obsessed'. He even tried giving it up for me...Stopped for like 2 weeks-3 weeks but went back again. Then he used to play it like once/twice a week or something? Now its EVERYDAY. Oh man.

« Previous Page Next Page »