I read all of your replies and here are my thoughts.
I cant really tell if your BF is an MCP or simply has difficulties
showing you his affection in a kind way. He sounds like a proper
lad so far if he treats his friends well and has stuck with you 5
years faithfully. It may not be a bad thing, waking up and smelling
the coffee knowing you've got to make do with what you have. The
perfect knight in shining armour isn't out there. Every relation we
have with the ones around us has it's pros and cons. Some parts
about them we like, other parts we don't. If you are the settling
kind and looking for marriage, this boyfriend of yours sounds like
decent material.
***
So you've been putting up with his bad behaviour for some time now
and suspect it may have gone on for too long for you to put things
right again. Why don't you start ignoring him the next time he
disrespects you in public again? Respond to him after 2 weeks and
let him know you've given things a careful thought. You love him
but you don't feel respected and that's very important to
you.
If you've got the guts to tell him what you expect, he might just
give it to you. If you don't, be prepared to mull over an onslaught
of power play for the rest of the time you're together.
Relationships are mutual but you've got to realise what you expect
and you mustn't be afraid of asking for it. If he knows he cannot
get away with treating you badly in public, he might respect you
more and things may change.
Avoid letting your self esteem take the needless beating. The
boyfriend is nasty sometimes because you let him.
I had an ex who was a little like that. I bailed because he was
verbally abusive, I responded with the same verbal abuse though
after a few years, I realise I was living and struggling to keep up
with his expectations in other aspects of my life. It was terrible.
I figured in the end he was good for company and friendship, but
detrimental for the loving. We are still friends today and in some
ways, the conflict during that period of time was good for me. I
would never have accomplished some of what I have today if he
hadn't set high standards back then. It's all a matter of
perspective and afterwards, a matter of choice.
***
As for Mr Y, your fellow colleague, he may have sensed your
interest/crush in him, which was why he reminded you he is married
before introducing his wife. Any married man in need of an affair
with you probably would never have done that. Which is why I am
puzzled by some of your posts.
Did Mr Y send you clear signals of wanting to pursue something
romantic or sexual with you? Is it important to you? Because we all
know its a dumb move mixing business with pleasure unless hes
your boss and youre guaranteed a swell promotion afterwards. Even
dumber if it is a one sided walk.
Male friend of mine, Mr Peter found himself in similar situation.
His girlfriend of 5 years was being pursued by her colleague, who
was about to be married back then. The colleague had the cash, the
car, the apartment, a doting wife, whilst my mate was just a
struggling working guy. Mr Peter placed his trust in his
girlfriend, allowed her to go out with that colleague for nightly
suppers and wine sessions etc. The unspeakable happened and now Mr
Peter is still with his girlfriend though he seems to have begun
placing more emphasis on his own life than his girlfriend because
she cheated. I think he has forgiven but couldnt forget. As an
onlooker, their future looks bleak to me.
Mr Peter may not have what his girlfriend is looking for right now;
stability, security and faithfulness as compared to the attention,
passion and thrill her married colleague could spare, in a few
years time though I think she would want a man like Mr Peter. Just
not now. I think its her age. Different girls want different
things at different phases of their lives. Relationships are
results of a poo poo platter of time and chance.
***
If you do want to pursue something with Mr Y for whatever need, and
he responds, just remember youre both going to end up each others
side trip. He has his wife to go home to and you, your boyfriend.
And there are consequences behind everything we do. Have fun and
good luck then girlie.
