Originally posted by qy_von:
[b]Hi all,
Ive been with my bf for a year plus and we love each other deeply.
Problem is we have nothing in common and I am really bored in the
relationship itself.
He doesnt like to go out on the streets, and if we do hang out,
itd be with his group of friends and their girlfriends, sitting
around talking. When I am over his home, hell be either on the com
or watching repeated shows on SCV.
I have talked to him about this, but to him, it seems like staying
home with me is consider spending time together already. But its
boring me. I dont mind staying home, but quality time to me
includes heart to heart talk, and not just watching some shows on
TV all the time.
Sex is an issue too. He comes in less than 15 secs and I am always
left unsatisfied and incomplete. I tried to suggest buying vibrator
to play around but he said he doesnt like sex toys. Fingering
doesnt do me much
And even if go second round, by the time he
erects again, I have already lost the mood.
He is a very nice guy, and I feel bad for having so many complaints
about him. But I dont know why I am feeling so bored and
frustrated in our relationship
I dont want to cheat, I dont want
to break off
What can I do?[/b]
There are some major compatibility glitches in
your relationship - you mentioned that there wasn't anything common
to share and enjoy between the two of you: it will gradually brew
into some huge squall that is capable of wrecking turmoil into your
relationship, for the 'cost' of maintaining this relationship
cannot even cover the emotional and physical needs of yours.
When needs are not satisfied, it grows into frustration.
It also seemed to me that your boyfriend has degenerate into a
mode, known to CloUdiSm as Overgrown Baby Syndrome. Your boyfriend
has conveniently slipped into the role of a boyfriend and expecting
the relationship to fly on auto-pilot, without sparing that extra
effort to understand you, your underlying needs and this barren
relationship. It also seemed to him that as long as you still love
him, that's enough. There isn't a pressing need to change any
status quo and he sit there like an overgrown toddler, waiting for
this relationship to bring 'fruition' and 'result'.
This sort of relationship is more likely in a case when there is
adverse difference in lifestyle and where the only common factor is
chilling out at home. Spending quiet moments at home is great, but
it shouldn't overshadow all activities in a relationship.
As for sex, your man is truly one self absorbed guy. It seemed to
me that he is displaying a nonchalant attitude towards you and an
abject disdain about anything outside 'his world'.
We-can-make-love-but-once-I-am-done-with-mine-this-game-is-finished
sort of mindset is extremely anti-seductive. If one is sexually
frustrated, infidelity is likely to happen when planetary transit
is unfavourable and karma strikes.
I don't think he understands the severity of this issue that could
potentially undo this relationship. Love is Love, but compatibility
and freewill is outside the boundary of Love. Love can accept, but love
cannot deny it from affecting you. And when you are
affected beyond redemption, even love cannot save your relationship
from sinking into oblivion.
And it becomes 'I love you, but there is no way we could be
together...'
It must strike a chord in him that if this continues, it would be
the end eventually. Request empathy and understanding as you
justify it tactfully, for you don't want to ignite an irrevocable
argument. Speak in peace, but maintain your firmness. Remember that
a relationship is a game of two; you can't be the one trying to do
something, while he sleeps in the courtyard. He must know and you
must make him, if not, it's truly good game mate. 
Cheers
