Hey~ Cheer up~ At least you are better than someone who drinks
dettol at home and post craps because they're already losers even
in forums~
Anyway, here's my story. I've a similar case to you and I'm also
feeling the same as you .. but I tried to make myself happy.
Listening to music, playing MMORPG =P (make friends too) and
learning guitar~
When I was young (Pri1 -4), I was quite a .. "popular" person in
school. I was the top few students in the class. I excel in Maths,
and Arts (I'm pursuing designing diploma now =D)
In school, people always looked for me to eat, for group works and
such. I was very happy back then, also being a "smart kid" . (guai
hai zi lolz)
Pri 5, my life changed. I turned out to be the worst in the class..
I went to EM2, being the only person, I had trouble coping with the
new class. I got bullied, so lonely during recess ..
Then I got to know this friend. He's a very good friend. He always
try to introduce me around since he's an "active" person in the
class. Soon, I began to get comfortable in the new class. And those
friends from my previous class NEVER EVER contacted me again.
However, I was very controlled by my parents. My mum
actually.
Because this friend of mine, his mother is quite rich, my mother
hate her (My father side family is wealthy last time and cocky.. so
she hates rich brats) . So my mum dont allow me to go to his house,
dont want me to be his friend etc. (childish ..)
Soon, I knew a group of kids who're more to inclined to playing
than studying.
I like them actually. At least I dont have to study and study and
study .. but what my mum did? Bring me away from them and isolate
me .. in the end, I had no friends in the class ..
Sec 1-2. A new environment. New friends. Similar stuffs again ..
Sec 2 know a group of basketball mates and we're together till Sec
3 when the tragic comes. Since most of them are good friends
(better relationship than I was with them), I was not taken into
regard in all the matches we play. I was basically an outcast.
Asking me to defend a GIRL since I was short (wtf..). And during
matches, even if someone is so called weaker than me gets a chance
on the court. But I was not. I was asked to be a water boy...
Yea .. what friends were these .. soon I left the team and never
touch basketball ever since ..
And also another reason was my mum wasnt approved of me playing
basketball and want me to FUGGING STUDY!!!
Sec 3-4. The time when I slowly get worst in acadamic studies. A
new class again since I chose a different class from my classmates.
I get to know a group of friends, who're engaged in card games,
computer games .. basically playing. How do I get to know them?
Simple~ They were the ones who bullied me during the first day i
get into the class.. and somehow we became "good friends" after a
few days.
Now, the tragic comes again .. the group of "friends" were friends
of people of the other class. And there's this rich man son who
managed to get the whole class to outcast me, all because of a
game. (duh..) He was flooding the chat window, and all I asked him
to do was shut up for a minute ..
But this group of friends did not do so. They still continue to
take me as a friend. But how good indeed are they? They're really
"GOOD FRIENDS".
I wasn't asked to go for a movie even though they asked each other
RIGHT AT MY FACE. I mean, I can't be that thick skin to ask "Eh! I
want to GO also!!".
This crap happens for 2 yrs .. and as time passed, I slowly drift
furthur from them. And after the O's .. we were never in contact
.
------------------
So after all this shit these 17 years .. what did i get in return?
Good grades? No. Good friends? Zero . I wasted my life for this 17
yrs ..
It may seem idiotic, but truely, I have no friends from my pri and
sec currently. Seriously.. when people say Sec sch is a good time
to make good friends, I got none.
I was only allowed a handphone this yr .. and I entered poly. How
many contacts do I have ? less than 50. Sounds stupid but true. I
never had my handphone touched by my polymates since I'm very
scared that they'll laugh at me ..
At least some of you have good relationship with your parents. I
dont have. I hate my mother. She is the one which cause so many
hatred in me. Controlling my life, my friends .. I had NO SOCIAL
LIFE ok .. if I get home at 5pm during secondary school , I get
slapped ! Wtf.. I mean .. seriously, even while typing this, I feel
so much hatred for her controlling my life .. wanting me to study
and study ... in the end I ended up with totally nothing ..
No relationship till now since my mum always forbid me to.
And frankly, I never dare to chat to girls, and it only started
this yr , when I entered poly (since most of my classmates are
girls) and they're very matured in their thinking.. that's a fact I
believed.
At least, now my poly mates are quite good. They won't leave out
me.. since it's a 20 people class, we're quite united and we have
gatherings once in a while if we dont have any projects to rush on.
I never told anyone about my past except 4 of them, which are
matured enough in that sense that they wont spread it around or
make sacastic remarks.. they really listen, which I'm very happy ..
not even my mum know anything about this, and she still thinks
she's right..
To sum it up, what I'm trying to say is, no matter how bad your
life is, never broad over it. I seldom smile, and it makes my
relationship with people real bad .. But try not to think of
unhappy things. They're lots of good people around. Try to speak up
more~ I was not close to the class beside ours (poly), but after
speaking up a few times for presentation and joking craps around, I
got to know a new bunch of friends from the other class. =) So just
speak up~ And if people are trying to be jerks, ignore them.
I'm still very introvert now .. and i understand how you all feel
when nobody contacts you (me too.. even during christmas period. .
not even a greeting ..)
but .. yea.. dont think so much into it~ You'll be happier~
Just be yourself~ If people dont like you, then just dont be with
them~ Dont wear fake masks and try to accomadate people. Friends
are only true if they accept the true you =)
