http://www.jenchen.org.sg/
Volume
6 no 3
The Voice
of Bliss
The family is our source of strength and happiness. Yet at times a
diversity of religion and faith can exist within the family circle.
The spirit of Buddhism advocates a freedom of choice, tolerance and
mutual respect, for what good is there if there is religious
homogeneity but a stark absence of happiness and bliss in the
family? The key is practising the code of family ethics, compassion
and loving-kindness and even if through these, others are not
persuaded to the realm of Buddhism, let it be. Happiness and bliss,
after all, is what all humanity seeks.
Happy Family
Mutual respect begets harmony
How may a family whose members have
different religions live together harmoniously?
One common principle that mankind all
over the world abides by is the freedom of choice of religion and
faith. A country may have different religions co-existing at the
same time, such as Buddhism, Catholicism, Christianity or Islam.
But, we have to understand that it is the condition arising from
love that causes people to have families, parents and children. It
is a good thing if the family is happy and blissful. However, if
the family members bear different faiths, so long as each member
keeps his faith to himself, refrain from slandering or debating
over each other’s faith, but mutually respecting each other’s faith
and character, then the family will naturally be harmonious.
Further,
the younger generation ought to refrain from arguing with their
elders because it is their parents who brought them up. Moreover,
there is no purpose in arguing with them. We have to practise
filial piety and be good so that we do them proud. Then, they will
feel that their children are righteous, well behaved, and may
willingly join us to learn about Buddhism. This will be ideal.
Otherwise, it is not filial to constantly argue with them. When we
learn and practise Buddhism, we have to exercise wisdom. With
regards to differences in religions and faiths, as long as we
maintain mutual respect, I believe, the family will be
harmonious. 
Freedom in choice of
religion
If the children of a Buddhist family
choose to marry a person of a different faith, will the marriage
work out well?
Although a person may be a Buddhist himself, it is
not necessary that his children must also Buddhists. We may, of
course, promote and encourage our children to embrace Buddhism.
However, we cannot force it upon them. Moreover, we should not
object to their marriage just because their partners are from a
different faith.
In
this present age, everybody has the freedom to love and choose his
or her own lifetime partner. Similarly, everyone has the freedom of
choice of religion and faith. No religion can compel its followers
(and their dependants) to only believe in that particular faith,
and object to marriages outside that particular faith. I believe,
as parents, with regards to their children’s marriages, the primary
concerns are the relationship between the two parties and how to
guide their children in deciding their lifetime partners. Religion
and faith are secondary factors; it is their happiness after the
marriage that matters most of all. It would be useful for parents
to counsel their children about the code of family ethics, such as
the role and responsibilities of a husband and wife, and how to be
good parents themselves. If they do not know how to live
harmoniously and fulfil their responsibilities as husband and wife,
or to be good parents, even if both of them believe in Buddhism,
the marriage may still not work out well. If, for instance, the
choice partner believes in a different faith, as a parent, one may
promote the teachings of Buddhism so that he or she finds it
acceptable. It will, of course, be good to establish a household
based on the principles of Buddhism. If, meanwhile that cannot be
achieved, one should adopt the Buddhist teaching of
loving-kindness, compassion and equality towards all beings, in
relation to the son-in-law or daughter-in-law. It is a good thing
for a couple to bear the same faith and share the same principles
and values, with both cultivating together and becoming partners on
the Bodhi-path. It would be even better if they were eventually
reborn in the Buddha-land.
Perfect harmony amid
differences
I have embraced Buddhism and taken
refuge in the Three Treasures, but my husband still adopts the
Taoist way of praying to Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva (Guan-yin
Pu-sa), what should I
do?
Actually, while you believe in Buddhism, you still have to learn to
be harmonious in all your endeavours. It may be because your
husband has formed an affinity with Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva that
he worships Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva in the Taoist way. According
to the sutra of the Universal Door Chapter of Avalokitesvara
Bodhisattva, “If a person can only be guided or saved by a
government official, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva shall manifest as a
government official to explain the Dharma to him. If a person can
only be guided or saved by a king of ghosts, Avalokitesvara
Bodhisattva shall manifest as a king of ghosts to explain the
Dharma to him. If a person can only be guided or saved by embracing
another religion, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva shall manifest as a
person of that same religion to explain the Dharma to him.” Your
husband prays to the Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva and yet he believes
in Taoism. In this case we may consider him as a person who has
embraced another religion, but has formed an affinity with
Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva. Someday, when he understands the truth
based on this affinity, he may embrace Buddhism.
You
should compliment your husband; “I am indeed fortunate to meet a
person like you. I have spoken to my Teacher about you and he says
that you are a good man. You are devoted and in future many good
things will happen to you.” Your husband will be delighted when he
hears this, and may feel positive about your Teacher and your
faith. In this way, one day, he may come to take refuge in the
Three Treasures and embrace Buddhism.
On
the other hand, you should not say, “My Teacher commented that you
are no good and you are a believer of an unorthodox religion.” Your
husband may be so angered by such a remark that the next time I
conduct a Dharma talk, he may forbid you to attend. Hence, we have
to be perfectly rounded (flexible?) and harmonious in the way we
deal with all matters (being harmonious even among
differences).
However,
although he worships the Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva in that manner,
you ought not to harbour such thought that, “since my husband
worships the Bodhisattva as a Taoist, perhaps I should do
likewise.” 
© Copyright
2002.Jen Chen Buddhism Centre